Monday, February 8, 2010


Was cleaning the house, putting away pictures, when I found a letter from Nov 2008 and some more old pictures.

I was staring at the pictures, how beautiful we were together, how happy, and how content he was.  I sometimes look at the picture of us taken the night we met, and I miss that guy so much.  I really miss that guy who was so confident in himself and in the relationship, he was grateful for everything that he had, and found such meaning in everyday life.  He was a very simple person, no bitterness or grudges, and I loved him for being just that.

I looked at his picture again, with Lost season premiere playing in the background, and I wonder where that "him" had gone.  I really felt like crying, but once again I found that I couldn't.  There was no more tears coming down my face and I didn't know why.  But my throat felt cold like I had tears flowing backwards and down my throat.

I hope one day he finds himself like that again.  It was a really awesome guy I fell in love with, and even my friends still remember him as a cheerful, funny, positive person - who co-hosted my Chinese New Year house party 2 years ago.  I don't regret spending those 2 years together, no matter how horrible the ending was, because I chose to be with someone I was very proud of and deserved my love.

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