Friday, February 26, 2010

Random moaning

Just want to moan a bit...

I was looking for my camera flash and found that I still haven't unpacked my suitcases from Morocco trip.  I've been trying to avoid touching them, maybe cos it may bring back memories of the day I arrived home from the airport, the day I wish I could forever erase from my memory.

I was looking for my LCA camera, and noticed that I still had a roll of unfinished Portra 400 film in my Fisheye camera.  As I am typing this, I recall he and I took this camera to TST before Xmas time to have dim sum in Peninsula.  We took pictures of the Xmas decorations - like a Xmas village with a chu chu train and and gingerbread house - outside the restaurant...


I actually loved taking pictures of him.  He was very photogenic and he loved the camera.  He also took some great pics of me, but he always thought I felt he wasn't good enough a photographer - when in fact I was just annoyed at myself looking tired, or hair not in the right place.

It would probably be quite emotional for me to look at the developed pictures, but I don't want to throw them away.  Anyways, the film is still in the camera and there's a few more frames left.


Yesterday I went to visit my friend Tracy and her beautiful dogs.  She has a big husky and a small shitsu.  The husky's name is M, and she is huge but on the slim side.  She doesn't bark, she literally lifts her head and HOWLS....  AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  Pretty funny!  I've always wanted a dog... while I have always wanted a big dog as a true companion, I do also want a small toy poodle because I think it looks a lot like Tea Yee, my teddy bear.  Of course, I am not capable of looking after a dog now.  I can barely look after myself, and I still need to feed myself right and gain back some weight and muscles.

I've been smoking quite a lot.  It's so bad.  Though I stopped smoking Gudang Garam cos the nicotine level is really too high and it will kill me.  I must stop smoking soon, when I feel better.  (Wonder if it should be the other way around...if I stop smoking, I will feel better...)

My mom is going to see a specialist tomorrow for her spine.  She hopes she can be referred to another specialist for her gallstones.  Did I mention: my mom also has very high blood pressure and high cholesterol?  My mom is the most health conscious person I've known in my life.  Life is not fair, you see.  I've been trying to call my mom everyday to ask about her condition and all that.  I rarely called my mom so often.  She knew I was worried, not from my tone but from the frequency of my calls, and told me not to worry too much.  My heart was so sore, my whole life I never had a chance to look after her or spend much quality time with her because either she was depressed or we lived very independent, separate lives. 

My friend just asked me to talk to my dad and ask him to give my mom more attention and care.  I told her I couldn't - cos my dad gets annoyed whenever I try to talk to him about how I feel about things related to him.  In fact, it was because of this I couldn't deal with the same issue in my relationship.  It hurts me a lot and reminds me a lot about my relationship with my dad.  For years, I wished I could break those walls between me and my dad - but it doesn't seem like it will happen in this lifetime.  He is very stubborn.

For the first time in my life, I selected a few of my Morocco photos (film) to enter some type of amateur online competition.  I got the motivation to do it because for the first time I posted some pictures onto Lomography fan page on facebook, and surprisingly they got a good number of "likes" from other lomographers who didn't know me at all, as compared to a lot of other photos posted by others.  So I thought it could be fun.  

I should read my new book and sleep.

No comments:

Post a Comment