Thursday, February 4, 2010

More on Hypnosis

My bro read my blog and became very interested in hypnosis.  Let me provide a bit more details.

No he didn't exactly make me forget anything I didn't want to remember.  If anything, he made me acknowledge certain thoughts and facts which I subconsciously was very uptight about and couldn't let go.  In fact, I just emailed Fred to ask him exactly what happened during the hypnosis and this is his explanation:

When you're in the hypnotic state you're in a state of deep concentration. You are in fact extremely focused and paying attention to the hypnotist's words while ignoring everything else going on around you. Throughout the hypnotic experience you are totally in control of yourself.  
It's at this point that the hypnotist introduces new, positive, life-affirming ideas to your subconsciousness. Those new ideas (as agreed upon in the pre-hypnosis interview) are absorbed by your subconscious mind and are acted upon,.. for example in your case, to release and to move quickly through the pain and sadness of your shock.

Before the session, I told him what had happened on Sunday morning that led to my traumatized state.  He then asked me how and what I was feeling.  I told him:  I feel a great deal of pain.  Part of the pain comes from feeling abandoned and that he just let go of our precious relationship like that; and part of the pain comes from knowing he is also suffering and feeling angry/ emotional/ confused and I can't help no matter how hard I try.

I believe the therapist, Fred, helped me let go of the latter part and a small portion of the former.

It's not easy, to let go of the former part, because it is a fact that he is no longer around and no longer willing to continue.  I can't change that no matter how hard I try to remind him of the happy/silly times and the majority of times when we were super compatible.  So I just have to stop trying and accept that he doesn't see things the same way, and he may never do again.  It takes time to let go of someone so important to me, but time will heal.

I won't learn to hate him because that wouldn't help me and there's no reason to hate him.  He has been a wonderful boyfriend otherwise, and the sweetest person I have dated.  Everybody could see that.  I had a great deal of happy times with him, and we supported each other through everything in the past 2 years.  We gave each other's everyday life meaning and purpose.  I can't pretend this never happened.  On Sunday, I did stupidly think about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and wished I could go to the doctor and remove this entire part of the memory - 2 years of best and worst memories in my life.  Of course now I know I have to live with this past, but continue my life in the future without clinging onto it.

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