When it comes to dating, I believe in signs. No astrology kind of signs, I am referring to the little things that happen whether good or bad. Recently I went on a few dates with a guy and there were all sorts of bad signs, I don't think it's meant to be.
Bad Sign #1: Drunk Dialing me the night before my early conference call
This guy drunk dialed me not just once, but twice! He practically kept talking and talking and refused to hang up.
Bad Sign #2: Not only did he drunk dial me, he complained that I didn't like him enough
Ppppppppleeease, we went on three dates - three dates - and he already dared complain I wasn't making time for him, I wasn't too keen on him. I never even said I liked him! Now before you think I am being harsh on an innocent guy, this guy is in his 40's and has slept with a lot of women. I wouldn't expect him to be an innocent virgin.
He even said: I normally lose interest in girl after 3 dates and I start running in the other direction before the third date, so the fact that I still want to see you it means I really like you.
Um, thanks for making me feel special, but just because you haven't run yet doesn't mean youbare justbas "special" to me, not yet at least!
Bad sign #3: Trying to brag about me like I'm his prize in front of friends
He got very upset when I failed to make it to two gatherings he had with close friends. Hello, we went on three dates only. I have no idea how he planned on introducing me, or what he planned on introducing me as. "Hey, this is the girl I plan to sleep with! Hot huh?!" "Hey, this is the girl I lasted 3 dates with! Surprise!"
He made me feel like he was more eager to prove to his married friends that he might not die sad and lonely after all, than actually feel proud of me.
Bad sign #4: When drunk, he cut me off while I was making a point
Very bad sign. He cut me off multiple signs when I was explaining myself, and he refused to believe I was telling the truth how I felt.
Bad sign #5: Laughing about and kept discussing my age when I told him how old I was
That was bad. He somehow thought I was a few years younger and when I told him I was 35, he kept telling me how surprised he was, and there was many "wows" in the next 10 mins until I insisted we talked about something else.
Bad sign #6: My dog kept barking when he was around
He tried, I think he really tried to bond with my dog even though he had no experience with dogs. From the way he stared right into my dogs eyes, very very seriously, I am convinced he had downloaded an episode of Dog Whisperer before visiting my place, and tried to use his energy to tame my dog. Didn't work. My dog kept barking when we were kissing and that really didn't help. LOL.
Bad sign #7: "I am not a spiritual person."
Thanks for telling me that you don't think about things much. I do. And I like to chat about things I think about.
Bad sign #8: No common music favorites
We listen to completely different music, the only few songs common on our playlists may only be a few pop songs playing in clubs lately.
Bad sign #9: Showed up at yoga late - missing the class - as he partied too hard the night before till 5am
I really made an effort to go to that class together. I ended up going alone.
Bad sign #10: Bad memory probably from drinking too much
He keeps forgetting the things he said, and tells me the same stories like 3 times in a week.....
Need I say more? Well, good thing is, he is probably upset that things aren't progressing smoothly, so he's backing off. I hope I don't have to yell again, to him or any guy "I'm sorry, but we aren't exactly dating and three dates don't make me your girlfriend! I'm just having fun, ok? Take it easy!"
Showing posts with label i pursue Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i pursue Love. Show all posts
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday Morning
A guy asked me during a date if I was interested in dating. I didn't mean to reject him flatly, and I meant what I said: In general? If I am interested in dating in general? (Of course I knew he meant dating HIM.) To be honest, I haven't thought about it at all. Hmm... Really, I haven't thought about it. I guess I'm just going with the flow.
I am starting to not miss dating. I used to miss first kisses, waking up staring at the guy in the morning, holding hands, bear hugs, clinging onto the guy's arm like a koala bear, etc..... But I am sort of feeling perhaps a bit too comfortable with myself, and haven't met anyone who made me really want to start dating. I keep associating dating with "a lot of work" in my head, and wish I didn't think that way. I probably just haven't met the right guy yet. It's ok though, I am busy and I am happy and I still got time :)
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Dog vs Man
We all know that one of the reasons it becomes harder to find a companion as we get older is the fact that we have formed our own living habits and found a comfortable lifestyle. It is not always easy to find someone with a compatible lifestyle or someone who is willing to compromise and vice versa. For me, it seems my dog incorporated lifestyle has become the latest obstacle. (Not that I will compromise though.)
I myself am a newish dog owner, I never understood how precious that bond, that responsibility, that devotion and commitment was until I watched my dog develop from puppyhood. He is a life, an individual entity (not just A dog), and family to me. The best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can understand why non dog-owners might simply assume this as obsession.
It is anything but obsession: A dog is not a man, it is more precious than a man in so many ways, I tell you!
I know exactly how to make my dog happy. Very happy. A man's happiness comes from so many different sources.
I am what my dog looks forward to each day. I wouldn't dare expect my man to simply look forward to seeing me each day. I would be lucky if he doesn't occasionally find it a dread to HAVE to see me after a tough day at work.
My dog may get upset at me sometimes, if I deny him access to a room, or do not involve him in some seemingly fun activity, e.g. pouring bleach down the drain. He pouts, but we make up in no time. I have dated so many guys who really held a grudge.
My dog is fully predictable. I know how he would react to things, whether positively or negatively. Not all men are predictable.
My dog has no issue displaying his affection and expressing his feelings. Every emotion shows. I just need to learn to read his body language. I have dated many men who bottled up their feelings then suddenly exploded.
My dog loves me unconditionally. I don't need to put on a sweet smile, wear makeup, high heels, short skirt to make him love me more. He doesn't stop loving me because I care too much about him, or because I am too smart for him.
My dog allows me to love him unconditionally in return without holding back. He wouldn't freak out and think I am crazy for loving him.
A dog is NOT to me replacement of a man in my life. It goes without saying that there are many things only a man can give me, e.g. guidance, emotional support, physical pleasure, intellectual exchange, inspiration, etc. So, yes, of course I want both my dog and a man - a good one - to be my companions.
BUT, if in the occasion where a man who doesn't like dogs forces me to choose between him and my dog - I am sorry, but my dog would be a much better bet. He is here to stay for at least 15 years.
I myself am a newish dog owner, I never understood how precious that bond, that responsibility, that devotion and commitment was until I watched my dog develop from puppyhood. He is a life, an individual entity (not just A dog), and family to me. The best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can understand why non dog-owners might simply assume this as obsession.
It is anything but obsession: A dog is not a man, it is more precious than a man in so many ways, I tell you!
I know exactly how to make my dog happy. Very happy. A man's happiness comes from so many different sources.
I am what my dog looks forward to each day. I wouldn't dare expect my man to simply look forward to seeing me each day. I would be lucky if he doesn't occasionally find it a dread to HAVE to see me after a tough day at work.
My dog may get upset at me sometimes, if I deny him access to a room, or do not involve him in some seemingly fun activity, e.g. pouring bleach down the drain. He pouts, but we make up in no time. I have dated so many guys who really held a grudge.
My dog is fully predictable. I know how he would react to things, whether positively or negatively. Not all men are predictable.
My dog has no issue displaying his affection and expressing his feelings. Every emotion shows. I just need to learn to read his body language. I have dated many men who bottled up their feelings then suddenly exploded.
My dog loves me unconditionally. I don't need to put on a sweet smile, wear makeup, high heels, short skirt to make him love me more. He doesn't stop loving me because I care too much about him, or because I am too smart for him.
My dog allows me to love him unconditionally in return without holding back. He wouldn't freak out and think I am crazy for loving him.
A dog is NOT to me replacement of a man in my life. It goes without saying that there are many things only a man can give me, e.g. guidance, emotional support, physical pleasure, intellectual exchange, inspiration, etc. So, yes, of course I want both my dog and a man - a good one - to be my companions.
BUT, if in the occasion where a man who doesn't like dogs forces me to choose between him and my dog - I am sorry, but my dog would be a much better bet. He is here to stay for at least 15 years.
Monday, September 5, 2011
You are special, BUT.....
The B&B owner didn't arrive in the morning to say goodbye. He sent me an SMS saying: Not all the guests are the same, someone is special and my dad was right. :) I would have had more time to spend with you, but...that's life. Take care of you (yourself), M.
The message made me sad. Not because of this person in particular, but too many guys had said similar things to me and I didn't need one more during my 6-day trip. "I like you a lot, but....." "You are special to me, but....." "I want to be with you, but....."
If there's any "but"', please just keep everything to yourself. I don't want to know how you feel about me if whatever you feel is unjustified at the end of the day, for a short romance or in this case even a proper goodbye hug. I never asked you to leave your girlfriend, or your business, your job, your country. Why create such drama by telling me what your dad thought of me, how you found me special, unconventional, yet dangerous? (in our other conversations)
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I May Not Look 35, but I Certainly Have Experienced Like 35.
I have been traveling in Rome for a week staying in a B&B run by a young (31-yr old) Italian guy who quit his ad agency job to start this business. And strangely, he has become quite fond of me.
Don't get too excited yet - he has a girlfriend and is well aware of our cultural & language barriers (though he is already quite westernized and well traveled for an average Roman), and of course it is also unprofessional for him to mess around with his guest. So, despite our flirtatious behaviour (texting each other when I'm out doing touristy stuff, messaging each other on facebook chat, texting me from the dining room when our morning conversation got interrupted by guests who entered the room for breakfast, asking me "did you sleep well in my bed".....), he bailed a few times after suggesting casually to take me to have coffee or to have gelato in his fav shop. Fair enough.
Today he bailed again, and sent me a message late night, apologizing for delayed SMS, and inability to meet me. I didn't bother replying. And likely he's wondering if I am upset.
My thought on this:
I may not look my age, but I certainly have met and surpassed the minimum life experience for my age. My experience has taught me that most people I meet in my life are likely to be quite predictable. Men, in particular, are very predictable when it comes to emotions and their resulting behaviour. Thus, no need to take anyone too seriously too soon.
So, am I disappointed? Not exactly. I sort of sensed his pattern. Am I upset? Well, just a little, that he wasn't one of those few people who could prove my prediction wrong.
I am not stating that I know everything and am always right. I am merely saying that life does have certain general patterns that repeat themselves, whether we want to accept or not. And I am being realistic and practical WHILE REMAINING HOPEFUL AND OPTIMISTIC THAT I MAY ENCOUNTER EXCEPTIONS TO GENERAL PATTERNS. Each time I meet someone, I always secretly hope he will be a pleasant surprise.
Don't get too excited yet - he has a girlfriend and is well aware of our cultural & language barriers (though he is already quite westernized and well traveled for an average Roman), and of course it is also unprofessional for him to mess around with his guest. So, despite our flirtatious behaviour (texting each other when I'm out doing touristy stuff, messaging each other on facebook chat, texting me from the dining room when our morning conversation got interrupted by guests who entered the room for breakfast, asking me "did you sleep well in my bed".....), he bailed a few times after suggesting casually to take me to have coffee or to have gelato in his fav shop. Fair enough.
Today he bailed again, and sent me a message late night, apologizing for delayed SMS, and inability to meet me. I didn't bother replying. And likely he's wondering if I am upset.
My thought on this:
I may not look my age, but I certainly have met and surpassed the minimum life experience for my age. My experience has taught me that most people I meet in my life are likely to be quite predictable. Men, in particular, are very predictable when it comes to emotions and their resulting behaviour. Thus, no need to take anyone too seriously too soon.
So, am I disappointed? Not exactly. I sort of sensed his pattern. Am I upset? Well, just a little, that he wasn't one of those few people who could prove my prediction wrong.
I am not stating that I know everything and am always right. I am merely saying that life does have certain general patterns that repeat themselves, whether we want to accept or not. And I am being realistic and practical WHILE REMAINING HOPEFUL AND OPTIMISTIC THAT I MAY ENCOUNTER EXCEPTIONS TO GENERAL PATTERNS. Each time I meet someone, I always secretly hope he will be a pleasant surprise.
Friday, August 12, 2011
我看戀愛、婚姻
我懷念戀愛，但不渴望戀愛。
太多希望，也太多失望。沒興趣的，就沒有期望吧。（那就根本想也不會想！）有興趣的，就自然希望那人品格高尚，是有誠意的。沒可能連這也不期望吧？有時候等表示等到不耐煩，算吧！
有些人常常勸我不要浪費時間，不斷向我sell一些「筍盤」，認為有錢、是好人，就夠了。真的足夠嗎？胡亂找個伴結婚就是幸福嗎？
我羨慕已婚的女人嗎？不見得。一般可見到的婚姻生活都像是極枯燥。連已婚的一些男性朋友也對我說婚姻是人生最大的scam。似乎只有女的享受這scam。。。我有些已婚朋友會各自有很多時間和自己的朋友hang out。那些marriage似乎快樂點。每分每秒都只有互相作伴，變成唯一朋友，多恐怖。婚姻不見得會是我生命的全部。
我不渴望戀愛，因為害怕重複地失望。始終disappointing 的男人比promising的多。不代表我不會拍拖、不會戀愛。只是說我不極度渴望，不知還有多少冤枉路要走才遇到真正合得來的。In the meantime, 應酬無聊男孩們又會被人罵我浪費時間、嚇走其他好的男人；不理會他們又會被罵整天呆在家（which is not true, I am very busy)。總是被人批評。
太多希望，也太多失望。沒興趣的，就沒有期望吧。（那就根本想也不會想！）有興趣的，就自然希望那人品格高尚，是有誠意的。沒可能連這也不期望吧？有時候等表示等到不耐煩，算吧！
有些人常常勸我不要浪費時間，不斷向我sell一些「筍盤」，認為有錢、是好人，就夠了。真的足夠嗎？胡亂找個伴結婚就是幸福嗎？
我羨慕已婚的女人嗎？不見得。一般可見到的婚姻生活都像是極枯燥。連已婚的一些男性朋友也對我說婚姻是人生最大的scam。似乎只有女的享受這scam。。。我有些已婚朋友會各自有很多時間和自己的朋友hang out。那些marriage似乎快樂點。每分每秒都只有互相作伴，變成唯一朋友，多恐怖。婚姻不見得會是我生命的全部。
我不渴望戀愛，因為害怕重複地失望。始終disappointing 的男人比promising的多。不代表我不會拍拖、不會戀愛。只是說我不極度渴望，不知還有多少冤枉路要走才遇到真正合得來的。In the meantime, 應酬無聊男孩們又會被人罵我浪費時間、嚇走其他好的男人；不理會他們又會被罵整天呆在家（which is not true, I am very busy)。總是被人批評。
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Jimi Hendrix - Rainy Day, Dream Away
I don't like rainy days. My face looks very dull without sun rays. Yet today, I am enjoying the heavy rain, suddenly remembering a romantic walk in the rain with a man I was very attracted to, completely soaked to the bone, from South Bay to Repulse Bay. I think it was our first date as well.
I knew he had a girlfriend in Malaysia. He knew that I knew as well. We both knew it was a rather inappropriate date. That didn't stop us from exchanging secret stares of affection.
I knew he had a girlfriend in Malaysia. He knew that I knew as well. We both knew it was a rather inappropriate date. That didn't stop us from exchanging secret stares of affection.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Looking Forward to Being in Love Again
Enjoy my space. Enjoy the quietness. Enjoy my freedom. Enjoy being spontaneous.
Yet, there's a part of me that misses holding hands with someone I like, feeling nervous about a date, blushing when someone looks at me with affection, falling asleep with someone's scent still left on my pillow.....
I feel very lucky to be still single - it means I will get to experience all this at least once more before settling down with someone and never get to be in love again. I look forward to being in love again.
Yet, there's a part of me that misses holding hands with someone I like, feeling nervous about a date, blushing when someone looks at me with affection, falling asleep with someone's scent still left on my pillow.....
I feel very lucky to be still single - it means I will get to experience all this at least once more before settling down with someone and never get to be in love again. I look forward to being in love again.
A Girl Like Me
A young boy asked me, where can I find a girl like you? You are sweet and caring, you make an ideal girlfriend. I can't believe you are single.
I said, guys usually fall for my silly side but cannot accept me when I am strong, independent and opinionated. I cannot be silly 24/7, I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in when the situation calls for it. When I am pissed off people around me also get really scared without me saying anything. Also, I somehow make men feel like they aren't good enough for me. Perhaps they really aren't..... I don't know why but it happens a lot. Everyone assumes I must have a lot of dates so as a result no one dares pursue me until just recently.
I hope this boy gives up idealizing this girl and finds himself a sweet and simple girl he deserves. A girl like me is not for a boy like him. She needs a wise and experienced man to take good care of her.
I said, guys usually fall for my silly side but cannot accept me when I am strong, independent and opinionated. I cannot be silly 24/7, I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in when the situation calls for it. When I am pissed off people around me also get really scared without me saying anything. Also, I somehow make men feel like they aren't good enough for me. Perhaps they really aren't..... I don't know why but it happens a lot. Everyone assumes I must have a lot of dates so as a result no one dares pursue me until just recently.
I hope this boy gives up idealizing this girl and finds himself a sweet and simple girl he deserves. A girl like me is not for a boy like him. She needs a wise and experienced man to take good care of her.
Monday, August 8, 2011
May I ask you out on a date?
A few days ago, a European friend surprised me by properly asking me out on a date. I was surprised partly because I had known him for over a year and there had never been anything remotely flirtatious in our limited interactions as teammates (rather than friends). More importantly, I was surprised anyone still remembered the specialness of properly ask a lady out on a date. These days, men suggest to "hang out", "catch up", "meet up" in replacement of a date - a much more sincere form of getting to know each other and showing interest.
Just today, I received a Whatsapp message from another guy - oh yes I've been popular lately - saying "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?" Are we teenagers now? "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"! To me, that's not too different from saying "Hey I dig you. Can I DIG you? *wink wink*". A week ago, yet another guy asked me to "celebrate his flat move".
Just today, I received a Whatsapp message from another guy - oh yes I've been popular lately - saying "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?" Are we teenagers now? "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"! To me, that's not too different from saying "Hey I dig you. Can I DIG you? *wink wink*". A week ago, yet another guy asked me to "celebrate his flat move".
Homer Simpson Tummy
I may not have the perfect body myself, but I refuse to be touched by any guy with a belly like that! Just last Saturday, someone from my sports team took off his shirt at the bar and his big belly was a shocking eyesore! Not only did he look gross to me, while I was sitting and talking to someone, he walked over half-drunk and started twisting his body dancing in front of me, rubbing his penis against my knee! Ewwww is that super gross or what?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Confident Men. Like! +1!
A young guy sent me a text message: How about we go watch the Smurfs?
I was busy at work so I didn't respond. So after a minute or so, he sent a follow-up text message: So you can get Smurf'd
I was still busy so I didn't respond. Perhaps he thought I found his message silly so I didn't respond, after another minute, he followed up with another message: That last part sounds weird. Ignore that last part.
When I finally saw the three messages, I almost slapped my forehead, thinking: Poor Boy! When even your messages show you have so little confidence, you're doomed to fail even if it's a young girl you're after.
I like confident men who have qualities and achievements to be confident about. I like confident men who proactively pursue me and do not show that they are afraid of failing. I like confident men who seem to have an opinion on everything (yet humble enough to listen to others' perspectives). I like confident men who know I'll find their confidence charming. :)
I was busy at work so I didn't respond. So after a minute or so, he sent a follow-up text message: So you can get Smurf'd
I was still busy so I didn't respond. Perhaps he thought I found his message silly so I didn't respond, after another minute, he followed up with another message: That last part sounds weird. Ignore that last part.
When I finally saw the three messages, I almost slapped my forehead, thinking: Poor Boy! When even your messages show you have so little confidence, you're doomed to fail even if it's a young girl you're after.
I like confident men who have qualities and achievements to be confident about. I like confident men who proactively pursue me and do not show that they are afraid of failing. I like confident men who seem to have an opinion on everything (yet humble enough to listen to others' perspectives). I like confident men who know I'll find their confidence charming. :)
The Boys Get Younger and Younger
I don't know to feel proud of myself or not, but it seems like I am attracting younger and younger guys these days, in their early to late 20's!
Sweet boys, but NO - I really am not attracted to boys, not sexually, not emotionally. (Ewwwwwwwww!!) It's cute hanging out with them, talking about light-hearted topics, be spontaneous, carefree..... as if I were 24 again. But dating? No way! Really, NO WAY!
Sweet boys, but NO - I really am not attracted to boys, not sexually, not emotionally. (Ewwwwwwwww!!) It's cute hanging out with them, talking about light-hearted topics, be spontaneous, carefree..... as if I were 24 again. But dating? No way! Really, NO WAY!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Don't blame my dog for me being single!
Someone connected to me on Facebook but barely knew me told me I shouldn't spend so much time with my dog and put aside the importance to meet men. What the f*ck? Don't blame my dog for my single status!
The lady meant well - I am absolutely sure - but sometimes people feel so bad for me that they try to find out the reason why I am still single. Quoting the lady: You are so pretty and kind and smart, it isn't possible you are single! If people like you are single, what's gonna happen to rest of us ordinary women?
Well I don't mean to disappoint, but yes, even pretty and nice girls can be very single and there doesn't have to be a reason for it. It doesn't mean that ordinary girls are even more doomed cos many guys actually are afraid to pursue not-so-ordinary girls.
But really, blaming my dog is not fair and it's judgemental! I actually spend my weekends hanging out (without my dog), and I often go out after I've fed my dog on weeknights. Certainly I am not single because my dog is eating up my time! If I am home, it's because I want some alone time or I don't have any friend to hang out with. Why blame my dog?!
If you truly care about me, as a friend, don't judge my life or way of living. I appreciate you feel nervous for me, but you gotta be patient. Have some faith in God. Or find me a nice man directly! Ha.
The lady meant well - I am absolutely sure - but sometimes people feel so bad for me that they try to find out the reason why I am still single. Quoting the lady: You are so pretty and kind and smart, it isn't possible you are single! If people like you are single, what's gonna happen to rest of us ordinary women?
Well I don't mean to disappoint, but yes, even pretty and nice girls can be very single and there doesn't have to be a reason for it. It doesn't mean that ordinary girls are even more doomed cos many guys actually are afraid to pursue not-so-ordinary girls.
But really, blaming my dog is not fair and it's judgemental! I actually spend my weekends hanging out (without my dog), and I often go out after I've fed my dog on weeknights. Certainly I am not single because my dog is eating up my time! If I am home, it's because I want some alone time or I don't have any friend to hang out with. Why blame my dog?!
If you truly care about me, as a friend, don't judge my life or way of living. I appreciate you feel nervous for me, but you gotta be patient. Have some faith in God. Or find me a nice man directly! Ha.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Revisiting: Fantasyland (Sep 2008)
My comment today on my own entry posted on Sep 18, 2008:
Took me a long time to find this original posting. This fantasyland is still my idea of the perfect relationship, perfect life. Yet, I still haven't found it, almost four years from your first disappointment. Though, don't lose heart. If this is something you believe in, and I know it is, keep searching for that person who equally, innocently yet devotedly, believes in it. When you finally find him, you will be the luckiest woman in the world, because it takes a very strong and committed man to truly allow you into his life the way you do. It takes a high degree of selflessness to truly view each other as one unit. You are seeking for the finest character that can exist in a world of selfishness, thus you are bound to meet some wrong characters before you finally - hopefully - find the right one. Be patient. Keep your eyes open. And one day, he will find US.
Took me a long time to find this original posting. This fantasyland is still my idea of the perfect relationship, perfect life. Yet, I still haven't found it, almost four years from your first disappointment. Though, don't lose heart. If this is something you believe in, and I know it is, keep searching for that person who equally, innocently yet devotedly, believes in it. When you finally find him, you will be the luckiest woman in the world, because it takes a very strong and committed man to truly allow you into his life the way you do. It takes a high degree of selflessness to truly view each other as one unit. You are seeking for the finest character that can exist in a world of selfishness, thus you are bound to meet some wrong characters before you finally - hopefully - find the right one. Be patient. Keep your eyes open. And one day, he will find US.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Fantasyland
There's a place on a faraway planet called Fantasyland. In Fantasyland, couples fall in love, and live happily ever after. They laugh, and play, and cuddle, look out for each other, go on adventures together... going to the forest to camp, going to the lake to fish, or just having picnic on the grassland. The sky is always blue, the clouds like cotton candy. The sun is warm... When it does rain, it is like colorful shooting stars and Disney fireworks! The couples are like each other's best friend, they never part, never lie, never betray or hurt each other. They protect each other and take care of each other when one falls sick. They do not question their love for each other. Whatever they do, it comes from the heart, not because of duty or obligation... Yes they do fight. Over what? Who gets the last bite of food... Who's first to warm up the bed in winter! Most importantly, they never part. Did I mention that already? Yes, they never part. They never let go, no matter what happens. There's no reason to let go. They're best friends.
I left my Fantasyland and I cried and I cried and I cried, like a baby just feeling the need to cry, without thinking what she's crying over. And I am crying again... I was led to believe such a relationship exists, and I was living it. When two people cared so much about each other, and had so much laughs and happy moments together, what could pull them apart? The "I" factor? "I" want this, "I" want that, "I" am more important than "you", "I" am more important than "we"?
I know this is the reality but I don't want to accept it just yet, not now. I thought he'd always been a "we" person but perhaps, he never was. Pls let me fall asleep and never wake up again. I don't want to live in this cruel world.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Loving This Responsibility
For me, I also went a long way before I came to accept and embrace it. It took me many many years to finally get a dog despite how much I have always liked dogs. I never felt I would be good enough to look after one, and was worried of all the sacrifices I would have to make. I wasn't ready for it until this year. During times of despair, I did question my ability to look after my dog and I have thought about giving him to Benny's mom, thinking he might be happier there. But after his surgery yesterday, seeing how much pain he was in, and how traumatized he was since I left him at the clinic, I realized how much he really needed me.
I am happy to have the privilege to be responsible for this precious life's happiness, growth, and well-being. This responsibility gives me meaning in life no adventurous travel experience can substitute. My sacrifices are all worth it.
And I am hopeful that one day I will also meet someone who enjoys having me as part of his responsibility.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
My Friend's Sweetest Prayer - for Me!
My sweet friend told me she prayed for me. It was a very adorable prayer too -
She prayed that my guardian angels would open my eyes to see the right guy, and cover my eyes when the wrong guy appears.
How sweet is that?!!!
I may not see the right guy tonight, but I know for sure I will go to bed feeling extremely blessed. Thanks, my friend, for such sweet thoughts and encouragement.
She prayed that my guardian angels would open my eyes to see the right guy, and cover my eyes when the wrong guy appears.
How sweet is that?!!!
I may not see the right guy tonight, but I know for sure I will go to bed feeling extremely blessed. Thanks, my friend, for such sweet thoughts and encouragement.
Debt
In Chinese culture, there is a belief that parents owed their children in their past lives, and current life is repayment of such debt. Hence parenthood is so tough - you can only focus on giving and not expect any returns.
I am not a believer or non-believer of reincarnation, but sometimes I feel that relationships can be like a repayment of debt as well. Some friends have pondered why I had repeatedly met and nurtured guys who, after breakup, still remained very close friends with me but somehow still ended up disappearing from my life altogether. They asked me why I had been so blind to date such ungrateful people. In the guys' defense, and mine, I said that they were supposed to be good-natured people. They had cared for me for a while. Yet, I really had no idea how they could just disappear like that. Cutting all strings and ties, like we had had no history together.
I rarely dwell on that anymore. I just accept that I made a mistake about someone. Disappointing mistake - yes - but perhaps I need to make so many mistakes about people before I make the right choice.
I have a new perspective on this today - I suggest that we try to think of bad relationships as a form of debt repayment from past lives or past relationships. Yep. Let's think of it as a debt repayment, not an investment. The time, patience, perseverance, love, care, understanding, support.....everything was a repayment of whatever you owed the person in past life, or what you owed another person in current life (like how I had broken some other guys' hearts very very brutally). If we think of it like that, we won't have to dwell on why the person is no longer in our lives. The answer will be simple - we have finished paying back our debts so we are now set free. We won't have to dwell on why they didn't treat us better. The answer will again be simple - we were meant to repay our debts not to accumulate new debts!
I hope that now I am officially debt-free and when I do meet the next person who comes along, we will be on equal terms.
I am not a believer or non-believer of reincarnation, but sometimes I feel that relationships can be like a repayment of debt as well. Some friends have pondered why I had repeatedly met and nurtured guys who, after breakup, still remained very close friends with me but somehow still ended up disappearing from my life altogether. They asked me why I had been so blind to date such ungrateful people. In the guys' defense, and mine, I said that they were supposed to be good-natured people. They had cared for me for a while. Yet, I really had no idea how they could just disappear like that. Cutting all strings and ties, like we had had no history together.
I rarely dwell on that anymore. I just accept that I made a mistake about someone. Disappointing mistake - yes - but perhaps I need to make so many mistakes about people before I make the right choice.
I have a new perspective on this today - I suggest that we try to think of bad relationships as a form of debt repayment from past lives or past relationships. Yep. Let's think of it as a debt repayment, not an investment. The time, patience, perseverance, love, care, understanding, support.....everything was a repayment of whatever you owed the person in past life, or what you owed another person in current life (like how I had broken some other guys' hearts very very brutally). If we think of it like that, we won't have to dwell on why the person is no longer in our lives. The answer will be simple - we have finished paying back our debts so we are now set free. We won't have to dwell on why they didn't treat us better. The answer will again be simple - we were meant to repay our debts not to accumulate new debts!
I hope that now I am officially debt-free and when I do meet the next person who comes along, we will be on equal terms.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Glass in the Park - Alex Turner
Another love song by Alex Turner. Sweet and poetic - a boy quietly, secretly admiring a girl.
There's glass in the park
Darling, I can't help but keep making appointments
To sweep beneath the climbing frame
If the sun's in your eyes,
I'll tighten your blindfold, baby
Don't worry your foot won't get cut
Strut carelessly
And when you say that you need me tonight
I can't keep my feelings in disguise
The white parts of my eyeballs illuminate
And I'll wait for you
As if I'm waiting for a stone to stop
I've heard them talking
About how I'm gonna put you off
There's glass in the park
And now that I'm up off my knees
I've picked up the speed
To jump your palaces
And I shoot through the night
And suddenly all those once lost concoctions froth
And chase the day away
When you say that you need me tonight
I can't keep my feelings in disguise
The white part of my eyeballs illuminate
And I'll wait for you
As if I'm waiting for the stone to stop
I've heard them talking
About how I'm gonna put you off
You tell me, "how can I put you off when you're a matter of urgency?"
I've got a million things that I need to do, but they're all secondary
Make sure you're not followed
Meet me by the Death Balloon
Paraselene woman, I'm your man on the moon
And like a grain of diamond dust, you float
And my devotion's outer crust cracks
Paraselene woman, I'm your man on the moon
And like a grain of diamond dust, you float
And my devotion's outer crust cracks
There's glass in the park
Darling, I can't help but keep making appointments
To sweep beneath the climbing frame
If the sun's in your eyes,
I'll tighten your blindfold, baby
Don't worry your foot won't get cut
Strut carelessly
And when you say that you need me tonight
I can't keep my feelings in disguise
The white parts of my eyeballs illuminate
And I'll wait for you
As if I'm waiting for a stone to stop
I've heard them talking
About how I'm gonna put you off
There's glass in the park
And now that I'm up off my knees
I've picked up the speed
To jump your palaces
And I shoot through the night
And suddenly all those once lost concoctions froth
And chase the day away
When you say that you need me tonight
I can't keep my feelings in disguise
The white part of my eyeballs illuminate
And I'll wait for you
As if I'm waiting for the stone to stop
I've heard them talking
About how I'm gonna put you off
You tell me, "how can I put you off when you're a matter of urgency?"
I've got a million things that I need to do, but they're all secondary
Make sure you're not followed
Meet me by the Death Balloon
Paraselene woman, I'm your man on the moon
And like a grain of diamond dust, you float
And my devotion's outer crust cracks
Prayer
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a fulfilling year. I cannot believe that each year has been more exciting than the last. I never dared ask for this but I vaguely remember as a young adult it had been my dream to live an exciting life - which I did! It had always been my fear to end up with a boring ordinary life.
People always say to look for the signs God left for you, in order to find what has been planned for you. Thank you for letting me notice the signs and act accordingly. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have joined a completely new dragonboat team, entered the "Amazing Race" competition, hosted a few parties at home, brought into my life a cheeky little dog, developed an eye for photography, reached out to new friends for advice and support, got to know plenty more people whether in neighborhood, at work or in other environments..... It felt great to surpass what I had thought were my limits and extend beyond my normal comfort zone.
Thanks for allowing me to finally forgive someone who had caused me plenty of misery at work years ago. Someone I had hated for many years since. It is a gift being able to forgive.
Thanks for giving me so much travel opportunities to see the world. Morocco, Argentina, Brazil, Vienna, France, Spain, Germany, India..... It was truly eye opening. Yet, at the same time, I thank you for letting me know that I had already seen a lot and I could really take a rest and try to find excitement in my country/ city of residence. The realization made me understand it was time for me to settle down and learn to enjoy stability.
I don't really want to thank you for the breakups, because as good lessons learned as they were, I really don't want more of those. I really prefer not to learn more about the ungratefulness of men. Have seen enough, and now I pray to you, God, to please bring a man into my life who will be genuinely grateful for all the kindness and love from me, and will reciprocate. Someone who will have sufficient self-confidence to deal with me, and not feel inferior or challenged. Someone who will love me for who I am, and will be keen to grow and experience life with me.
I pray for happiness, feeling of security and certainty, and a clear vision of my path.
Amen.
Thank you for giving me a fulfilling year. I cannot believe that each year has been more exciting than the last. I never dared ask for this but I vaguely remember as a young adult it had been my dream to live an exciting life - which I did! It had always been my fear to end up with a boring ordinary life.
People always say to look for the signs God left for you, in order to find what has been planned for you. Thank you for letting me notice the signs and act accordingly. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have joined a completely new dragonboat team, entered the "Amazing Race" competition, hosted a few parties at home, brought into my life a cheeky little dog, developed an eye for photography, reached out to new friends for advice and support, got to know plenty more people whether in neighborhood, at work or in other environments..... It felt great to surpass what I had thought were my limits and extend beyond my normal comfort zone.
Thanks for allowing me to finally forgive someone who had caused me plenty of misery at work years ago. Someone I had hated for many years since. It is a gift being able to forgive.
Thanks for giving me so much travel opportunities to see the world. Morocco, Argentina, Brazil, Vienna, France, Spain, Germany, India..... It was truly eye opening. Yet, at the same time, I thank you for letting me know that I had already seen a lot and I could really take a rest and try to find excitement in my country/ city of residence. The realization made me understand it was time for me to settle down and learn to enjoy stability.
I don't really want to thank you for the breakups, because as good lessons learned as they were, I really don't want more of those. I really prefer not to learn more about the ungratefulness of men. Have seen enough, and now I pray to you, God, to please bring a man into my life who will be genuinely grateful for all the kindness and love from me, and will reciprocate. Someone who will have sufficient self-confidence to deal with me, and not feel inferior or challenged. Someone who will love me for who I am, and will be keen to grow and experience life with me.
I pray for happiness, feeling of security and certainty, and a clear vision of my path.
Amen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)