Monday, July 4, 2011

Revisiting: Fantasyland (Sep 2008)

My comment today on my own entry posted on Sep 18, 2008:

Took me a long time to find this original posting.  This fantasyland is still my idea of the perfect relationship, perfect life.  Yet, I still haven't found it, almost four years from your first disappointment.  Though, don't lose heart.  If this is something you believe in, and I know it is, keep searching for that person who equally, innocently yet devotedly, believes in it.  When you finally find him, you will be the luckiest woman in the world, because it takes a very strong and committed man to truly allow you into his life the way you do.  It takes a high degree of selflessness to truly view each other as one unit.  You are seeking for the finest character that can exist in a world of selfishness, thus you are bound to meet some wrong characters before you finally - hopefully - find the right one.  Be patient.  Keep your eyes open.  And one day, he will find US.
Thursday, September 18, 2008

There's a place on a faraway planet called Fantasyland. In Fantasyland, couples fall in love, and live happily ever after. They laugh, and play, and cuddle, look out for each other, go on adventures together... going to the forest to camp, going to the lake to fish, or just having picnic on the grassland. The sky is always blue, the clouds like cotton candy. The sun is warm... When it does rain, it is like colorful shooting stars and Disney fireworks! The couples are like each other's best friend, they never part, never lie, never betray or hurt each other. They protect each other and take care of each other when one falls sick. They do not question their love for each other. Whatever they do, it comes from the heart, not because of duty or obligation... Yes they do fight. Over what? Who gets the last bite of food... Who's first to warm up the bed in winter! Most importantly, they never part. Did I mention that already? Yes, they never part. They never let go, no matter what happens. There's no reason to let go. They're best friends.

I left my Fantasyland and I cried and I cried and I cried, like a baby just feeling the need to cry, without thinking what she's crying over. And I am crying again... I was led to believe such a relationship exists, and I was living it. When two people cared so much about each other, and had so much laughs and happy moments together, what could pull them apart? The "I" factor? "I" want this, "I" want that, "I" am more important than "you", "I" am more important than "we"?

I know this is the reality but I don't want to accept it just yet, not now. I thought he'd always been a "we" person but perhaps, he never was. Pls let me fall asleep and never wake up again. I don't want to live in this cruel world.

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