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Today I went to look at a few flats, as I need to move out of my current beloved home, which I would love to keep if only I could afford it.

My agent has been helping me with flat hunting since 6 years ago.  When she saw me, she immediately commented on my weight loss...  She knew I was no longer looking for flats with Kev since we had originally asked her to help.  Well, I just smiled. 

I looked at the flat on the 8th floor of my building, but the condition was too bad, and shower area too small.  Since it was 4 floors below mine, it was surrounded by other buildings...not much view of the sky.  A friend of mine was also flat hunting, though with bigger budget since he just got promoted with a huge pay raise.  At 18.5k per month, the landlord was willing to change to huge windows, bigger bathroom and kitchen and repaint the entire place.  I can't afford that, and also want a better view.

I went to look at 2 other flats.  One was not too small, but a bit old and the bathroom had these ugly pink tiles which I wasn't crazy about.  The landlord would repaint the flat, but I would need to pay for the bathroom's renovation which could be some 30k - makes no sense considering I am only renting.

The other one was actually very modern and charming.  There were only 2 flats on one floor, and the neighbour seemed to be a Western(ized) guy who played soccer (he put his soccer stuff on the staircase to dry).  The garbage can outside the flat was also made of rattan - looked more like a laundry basket than garbage can.  Good taste.  Anyways, the flat itself wasn't big at all, potentially could fit "our" (actually his) sofa and our dining table.  I might have a spot for the bookcase, but not sure where to put my other long table and the coffee tables.  The bedroom was tiny, but it had a huge bay window.  Great if I could sit quietly to read - but these days "quiet" is not good for me as I would start smoking which is extremely bad, I know.  The biggest plus of the flat was the carpeted walk-in closet with shelves and drawers installed, so I wouldn't have to move my wardrobe.

I will need to have another look at it again to see if I wouldn't be too claustrophobic in that flat.

This flat hunting experience is killing me.  I really wish I could stay in my current home.  I am tired of moving from place to place as I did in the past 16 years.  Last time I moved - a year ago - I really thought I was done living my life alone.  I really worked hard building a home with him, and we did a fine job.  I want nothing - nothing - but a warm home, a happy stable family.  I really want nothing but that.  I don't want to fight, I don't want to prove anything, I just want to finally find peace and security.  Perhaps this is the turning point for all pretty girls who end up marrying an ordinary man whom they don't love but who can provide them with stability, love and a home.
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Special thanks to my very dear friend Stephen who has helped me with every single one of my flat moves, and quietly supporting me through my breakup in his unique ways: copying House and movie files to keep me occupied, helping me check out flats, setup my TV/ media box (new)...