Wednesday, February 3, 2010

A few thoughts

Today is one of those days I feel so drained I look forward to going straight to bed when I get home.  Forget dinner or washing my face.  In fact, it's been weeks since I did any night-time beauty routine.

The night we broke up was the same night my boss snapped at me after I had told him over the phone my assessment of the work situation.  He snapped at me because he didn't want to know the reality of things, and yet I had burst the bubble.  My ex saw me crying and feeling very hurt that my trusted boss refused to hear what he was afraid to know.

I don't know whether it was because of the proximity of this experience to my own relationship problem that led us to break up the same night. 

Perhaps I was particularly emotional and stressed that night, but I still think our problem needed to be addressed sooner or later anyways - it was a solvable problem but an important one.  Forgot who said this to me in the past few days:  Compatibility is not about being exactly the same and wanting exactly the same things at the same time, it's about being able to compromise and complement each other's personality, needs and interests.

Everyone in a relationship knows that there is no perfect relationship. Two people in a relationship need to acknowledge their differences and compromise on matters, so that the needs and interests of both are met.  There is an unspoken agreement to love and support each other, and to go through ups and downs together.  And when the above conditions are not met, there is no good reason to be together anymore.

Everybody kept telling me how happy and sweet we were.  How big a pity this was.  Yes it is a pity to me too, because I too see the glass half full (well, 90% full).  Yet in relationships, it's not about what one person sees, but whether they both see it the same way that makes or breaks the relationship.

I will remember this in the future.  I need to stop hoping that I can inspire others to see something as positive if they don't.  It's good to know when to back off.


  1. Only if I knew better than that myself. I could have avoided what have happened to me as well.
    Finding a person exactly like me is nothing but a nightmare. Imagine you are with a person who can read your mind like book. Trust me. This is not the best experienc you ever want to have. You can see each other's positive side as well as our darkness. Once in a life time is really more than enough already.

    Maybe I should try to do exact opposite of this :)


  2. Don't let my personal experience drag you down. I only wanted to share it with people who didn't mind reading it in a plane, raw way, without sugar coating.

    Like my "old" elder sisterly friend Mimi said: it broke you but you are not broken my dear.

    Don't let yourself drown in regret, anger, misery. Accept what happened, don't try to figure everything out, and find peace in yourself.