Friday, February 19, 2010

Compassionate Flowers

Today I received an email from a friend/ supplier based in Thailand, explaining that he had sent me the flowers because he thought I'd probably feel horrible to spend my Valentine's Day alone just after my breakup, and hope flowers would somehow made me feel a bit better.

I was so surprised and touched by this friend I'd known for 5 years whom I had never thought to be so caring.  I mean, as a supplier he never even bought me - a client friend - dinners or drinks.  So to have worried about me so much that he got me a bouquet online was something I had never expected.

On the one hand I was so touched I didn't know he was such a genuine friend.  On the other hand, I felt so sad that someone normally so "frugal" bought me flowers because he knew how crap I must have been feeling.  I remember a few weeks ago he msn-ed me about a project we were working on - at first I didn't even want to bother replying as I was feeling crap and thought he was just bored and bugging me about useless stuff or complaining to me about the project.  Afterwards he asked how Kevin was doing - and I said,"he's gone.  You know, gone.  Moved out.  He moved out last Friday while I was in Morocco.  Yeah, just like that."  I only said that, and didn't want to continue talking about it.

For weeks I've been trying to dismiss the brutality of the breakup itself, so I wouldn't feel too much like a victim.  When I knew that my friend in Thailand who wasn't even my closest friend in the world, who wasn't even normally a sweet person (he's a great person but from what I know he doesn't really care about these festive, lovey dovey days), who wouldn't normally waste money on useless things, bought me a bouquet online, I started crying, realizing how horrible the breakup actually was, and how crap everybody could imagine it was for me to bear.  Those were compassionate flowers, you see.  I really can't pretend it was just another breakup and "well..yeah... he moved out".  I mean, he left just like that.  No word from him since.  Nothing.  Yes I know it is hard for him to bear too, and he felt better not having any ties with me anymore.  But what about me?  I have no choice, no say in this at all.

Anyways, I really don't know what I'd do without all these friends and my brother to care for me.

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