Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Self-Help Guide: Ways to Soothe a Broken Heart

I don't think there are ways to mend a broken heart.  You can never mend it because it will always have a crack, like a broken glass.  Yet, there has to be ways to soothe it and give it the attention that it needs.  So, here's my list of things to do to help the process:

- Talk to friends.  Talk to friends.  Talk to friends.  It's so important to know that you are not alone and abandoned in this world, and there's people who genuinely care about you.  Also, through talking to friends who do not have a personal stake in the relationship (who don't benefit from your breakup), you get a different perspective on the matter.
- Talk to a professional if you are very troubled and depressed - whether a shrink, a counselor, a hypnotherapist.  By talking to someone who has absolutely no involvement in your relationship ever, you have a totally unbiased and professional view of your situation, and you learn how to scientifically cope with your emotions and your loss.
- Spoil yourself a little to make yourself feel special.  In my case, I decided to stay in a super nice guesthouse in Morocco, I bought an expensive and delicate necklace, I treated myself to a Moroccan spa.
- Make an effort to look good.  Just because your mood sucks and your head feels like a complete mess doesn't mean you have to look like it.  Pluck your brows, trim your hair, line your eyes, color your lips, get a manicure, wear your favourite sweater...  (I didn't walk the talk today - I rushed to work without my watch, bracelet, earrings)
- Drink more fluids - especially warm water or warm herbal tea to calm yourself.
- Don't starve yourself.  You may not have much appetite, but you still need to eat a little and avoid starving yourself.  While you are broken hearted, your body becomes extra sensitive to discomfort (like a lump in your throat, trouble breathing, stuffy chest).  When you are hungry and you stay hungry, you feel even more sad and alone.
- My therapist told me not to give up my normal daily routine and exercise routine.  Exercise is good.  If you do yoga, keep doing it.  No matter how shit you feel and want to call in sick - don't.  Don't allow yourself to sink into deep depression and start to escape from a normal life.
- Don't be afraid to cry your eyes out, whether alone or in front of close friends.  Acknowledge that it is a painful process, but you are working on feeling better.
- Make plans with friends.  Don't stay home and think about what could've been.  Whatever happened happened, there's nothing you can do now to change it.  Don't try to force anything now.  Just let it be.  If there's any positive changes in the future, it will happen in the future.  Now, focus on the present, and allow your friends to care about you.  Not those who trash your ex or your relationship and tell you what to do - but those who genuinely care about you and encourage you to do whatever you want that would make you happy.
- Start bringing your life mission and focus back to yourself.  In seroius relationships, you were used to thinking for the greater benefit and happiness of the "team".  Now you are on your own feet whether willingly or forced, so re-learn how to live your own life and do things for yourself.  It's hard, but now you are an individual again, until you get into the next relationship.  Start asking yourself, what you like, what makes you happy.
- Don't be angry - whether at yourself or at your ex or anyone else.  Anger doesn't help with healing.  If anything, it makes the wound hurt more.  Accept what happened, and if you are in a position to turn things around, then try it.  If you aren't in a position to turn things around, then don't force it.  Be at peace with yourself, and acknowledge that people react to/ perceive matters differently.  Someone may have hurt you, but holding a grudge doesn't make you a happy person.
- Avoid listening to sad songs.  Yes you can relate to sad songs about heartbreak, anger, deceit, disappointment but that only encourages you to stay sad.  Don't be obsessed with misery.
- Do something different which you've always wanted to do.  Go to a new art gallery?  Go to a park?  Take a stroll somewhere you don't normally visit?  Being in a different environment could give you new inspiration and make you see beauty in life which you haven't noticed before.


  1. Don't ever stop looking forward. To life. To love. No matter how difficult it is today - it will pass. And you come out a better, stronger person.

    Tke care, Janis

  2. "Tea Yee"February 3, 2010 at 1:22 AM

    :) Thanks, my dear friend. I will remember this.