Paranoia?

Paranoia is critical in my profession, because we manage large-scale, multi-country projects where many things can go wrong if not carefully considered, prevented, and checked.  When mistakes happen, there are consequences, some repairable and less serious, others irrepairable and severe.  In the latter case, it could cost a lot of money, future business, and our reputation.  Paranoia?

I manage a team of 7, from juniors to senior manager.  I am the youngest in my family so my big-sisterly attitude to managing my team did not come naturally.  I have changed from being very hands-on, demanding, strict, and critical in my early years of being a manager, to my recent style of nagging, hands-off, supportive, and more approachable.  I don't like to nag, but if I don't nag, they forget.  Kids these days are forgetful and have very short attention span.  They can't visualize the severity of mistakes because they never had to be held responsible.

A few months ago, when traveling for work, supervising execution of a project, I already noticed some indications of quality issues with my team's work.  I ended up picking up all the mistakes and sending them email after email to remind them the importance of checking their own work, and their subordinate's work.  Paranoia?

In project meetings, I also reminded them again and again the potential pitfalls and how to avoid them.  When designing the project flow, I also put in a number of procedures to ensure we would have enough checks in place to prevent mistakes.  Paranoia?

Today my worst nightmare came true.  The team told me they had left out two questions in one survey, and the fieldwork had completed already.  Two questions which could not be recalled (could not call back respondents to ask those questions again due to bias).  What?!  Apparently, they ignored all my previous warnings, bent rules and policies for greater flexibility - so the mistake was not spotted until very late.

I feel very disappointed and upset, but I had to keep my cool - for professional reasons and also kids these days don't take strong language / tone very well.  Of course, it is useless to scream at them now since the damage is done, all I can do is make them realize the severity of the mistake, make them think of remedial actions, and review what they have done wrong.  Sadly, only one of them - who wasn't responsible for the mistake - was able to suggest one possible remedial action to explore.

I was so upset I went to Pret and bought foods I had never picked from there before:  Tomato soup, Parmesan sandwich, Kettle chips.  I found my ex-boss from internal messaging tool, and vented to him.  I vented to him because he would understand, and also he knew how lucky he had been for having me support him all these years without ever causing him such headaches.

I think I am feeling so emotional about this because my team has failed, and being their leader, I feel like I have failed.  I worked so hard all these years avoiding such critical mistakes, and as a leader - even though I no longer had to run projects myself - I tried my best to pass on my knowledge and experience to the team, giving them directions and pointers to protect them from falling hard.  Yet, by being their security net, they took advantage of it, and never developed the paranoia critical to our profession.  There was never fear of failing, fear of making mistakes.

Please, can anyone share with me THE way to motivate the younger generation?  I don't want to give up on them, but I can't find a way to inspire them and encourage them to grow up, step up.

Secret Wish List

I am blessed with a lot of gifts from God, and I dare not ask for more.  Yet, if there is anything I secretly wish for, here's the list in no particular order:

Talent in sports (especially racquet and ball games)

Smooth, strong and shiny hair

Good at making funny faces when photographed

Cracking funny jokes

Psychic power to communicate with animals

No more water retention/ bloated tummy and legs

Miraculous unknown source of income, deposited into my bank each month

Natural snowboarder

Natural swimmer even in strong currents

Great at remembering (ordinary) faces and names

Survive an adventure in the Amazon without any close encounter with insects or animals, yet with a nice place to sleep in

Smaller calf muscles without botox

Immune to all side effects of UV rays

No more daily neck pain and tendon soreness

Ride a bike

Forever youthfulness - appearance, health, mind

Forever optimism, high spirits, courage

Natural and peaceful death 

Natural shield against all insects and ugly animals

Become an awesome photographer

Paint awesome (non silly/ stick figure) pictures on canvas

After typing out the list, I noticed my secret desires/wishes could be categorized as follows:

Physical sports/ activities related

Physical appearance

Physical and mental well-being

Silly but serious wishes

Useless envy of others

PS:  I cannot decide if I should be embarrassed about not having any wish to save the world...

A few of my favourite pictures from Casablanca, Morocco

Relationship Pros

I am fearful of relationships, but I remember enjoying ...

Someone's effort to make me giggle, laugh, smile...
effort to make sure I eat well everyday...
cuddling, stroking of my hair...
inspiring chats...
sharing of great days...
sharing of terrible days...
passionate kisses in the first month...
telling me I made him happy...
looking happy...
telling me he'd stand by me through thick and thin and never let go...

I miss all these but I don't really believe in all these anymore, that's why I don't want to be in a relationship again... perhaps ever.

Relationship Cons

I have good reasons for being fearful of relationships.

I don't want to fight for anyone's attention,
or time,
priority,
devotion,
love.

These are all "given" at the beginning of a relationship, and gradually one has to beg for them.  I don't want that.  Not anymore.

Mid-Year Resolutions

Today, I decided that it was about time to set the following as my new resolutions for the rest of the year:

Be Humble.

Accept constructive criticisms with an open mind.

Be mindful of the way I voice my opinion/ discontent.  Directness can be achieved not necessarily through an angry, defensive tone.

Understanding and Respect

Last weekend I went to my dear friend's wedding and I was one of the bridesmaids.  During the wedding ceremony the pastor talked about understanding and respect.

He said that a husband needs to be understanding - understanding does not mean one necessarily needs to understand everything.  The wife will have her adorable, endearing days, and occasionally bad days.  During those bad days, a husband needs to be understanding and accepting, and continue loving the wife for who she is.

The wife, on the other hand, needs to respect her husband and be his number one fan always.  She needs to support her husband in everything he does, and make him feel confident and proud.

I found the advice true and practical.

Havaianas Heaven in Brasil

I never consider myself a shopaholic but I do get out of control when there's something specific I really like.

Here's the latest culprit - inexpensive Havaianas in Brazil!

In particular I love the World Cup collection, as well as the variety of pins I can add to the flip flops.  The World Cup collection is really cool - for selected World Cup champions each has one style (except Brasil which has two) for the country with the number of stars printed on the flip flop indicating the number of times it won World Cup and the year(s) in which it won the championship(s).

I also visited the new concept shop on Oscar Freire, and lost myself there!

Phewwwww It Feels Good to Tell the Truth

Just now, I finally found a nice way to "reject" a guy without hurting any feelings.  It took more over a month to come up with the right gentle explanation.

I said: _______, I'm not sure if this is the right time to talk about this, since you are busy and I have to catch my sleep, but the older I get and the more failed relationships I've had, the more I believe that attraction alone is not enough to see someone seriously or semi-seriously.  Sometimes, something is missing, and one doesn't always know exactly what that something is... but the lack of that something makes it difficult to move forward.

He said:  Yes, I agree.

I said: I mean, I feel like you and I are from totally different planets.  I don't find myself particularly weird (!!) and you're probably not all THAT weird either (though yes, I do find you weird by my standards), yet somehow we seem so different.

He said: Yes I know what you mean.  In fact my friend Sami commented that on my birthday you didn't really seem to get me.

I said:  Yes, and likewise you don't get me at all.  We interact in such an awkward manner!  It's not because you're British, cos I've dated other ethnicities before...

He said: Anyways, no drama.  I'm getting busy here, have to run.

I said:  Sure, I have to sleep too. 

Moroccan Mint Tea

My local colleague spent an hour briefing me on how to prepare a good pot of Moroccan mint tea.
What is needed?
1. Silver or metal Moroccan tea pot
2. Small glass tea cups
3. Chinese tea leaves - my colleague recommended this brand sold in Morocco from Mainlaind China which says "gunpowder" on the box
4. Handful of mint leaves and stalk, preferably large leaves with rough surface
5. White sugar
6. Kettle, quicker if electric one available
How to prepare?
1. Boil water in an electric kettle, ensure it stays boiling hot while you are preparing the tea.
2. For a tea pot which serves 8 small cups of tea, put in 1 to 1.5 teaspoons of Chinese black tea powder/ leaves.
3. Pour half a small tea cup of boiling hot water into the pot. Do not move the pot. Wait for 30 seconds before pouring the water into a tea cup to keep for later use.
4. Pour another half tea cup of boiling hot water into the pot. Hold the pot by the handle and swirl the pot for about 15 seconds then pour the water out and down the drain.
5. Pour the small cup of tea water set aside earlier back into the pot.
6. Fill up the pot with boiling hot water until 1.5 inches from the top.
Place the pot over small flame and wait till the tea comes to a boil and about to foam.
7. Remove from heat, put in mint leaves and about 8 teaspoons of sugar. Close the lid. Do not stir.
8. To serve, pour the tea into small cup. Then pour it back into the pot. Repeat once more. This procedure mixes the sugar and mint flavor with the tea.
9. Pour a little tea into a cup to taste. Add more sugar as needed.
When pouring mint tea, lift the pot high up so that the tea forms a foam. Good mint tea should have a little foam on the surface.
Enjoy!

Beautifully Creative Restaurant - Maison du Gourmet, Casablanca

Rick's Cafe in Casablanca, Morocco - as appeared in the movie

Meet " Little Lamb" & "Sex.mp3"

Meet Little Lamb when he was 1. My business associate in Casablanca proudly told me over lunch how he could slaughter a lamb during the yearly Big Feast. Out of respect for local culture, I asked a lot of questions, and he excitedly explained in great detail how each family would buy at least one lamb 3 days before the feast, feed it, then slaughter it, skin it, drain the blood for a day etc before cooking it. He meant to send me before and "after" (skinned) picture, but the latter became "sex.mp3"!

He wanted to bluetooth to me two pictures of Little Lamb his family slaughtered during the feast. One file showed the cute little lamb, the other one was named Sex.mp3 which I couldn't open and was prob sent to me by accident. Was tough to pretend nothing happened and keep a straight face....!!

 

Authentic Moroccan Bath (Hammam) Experience

Am back in Morocco for work again this week. This time I am only staying in Casablanca, which is not the most exciting city based on my Jan experience. To make the most out of this work trip, and to keep myself awake to combat jet lag, I booked a 'spa' I read about in a travel forum - based on one review (big mistake!?).  Turned out it was a very local bathhouse - NOT a spa.  So I had a very authentic Hammam experience...  I had previously tried Hammam when I last visited Marrakech, but it was in a hotel so I was treated quite well and felt pampered. Today's experience was a totally different one!

There was nothing fancy about the bathhouse, basically it was like the fishmonger, with water all over the floor.  There were a few bath sections, all had many sinks and stools and buckets, some had shower stalls, some had a few marble tables for customers to lay down on.  The whole time there were a lot of other local women around me, completely naked, and 3 times my size.  I was surrounded by extremely fat women and I felt strangely embarrassed by being lean and toned!  The whole place was very similar to a fishmonger/ slaughter house indeed.  All the staff dressed the same, and had a cloth wrapped around their head.  Those middle aged fat ladies looked like big fat mamas working in a production line in a cafeteria kitchen or something.

The session started in a steamy room where I could only see a few sinks, some stools, plastic basins...and to my surprise there was actually a fat Moroccan lady lying naked on a bench behind the steam.  I was told to splash myself with hot water using the plastic basin, then smother on my body a thick layer of Moroccan black soap - a brown paste made with olive oil supposedly great for cleansing and moisturizing.  I did so, sat in that dark steamy room for 10 mins, rinsed off by splashing more hot water, and was then asked to go to the next room, to lay down on one of the 4 or 5 marble tables. Stark naked.  Like the other Moroccan women in that room, all were 3 times my size, very fat...

Then one of the big fat Moroccan mammas, (none of which spoke any English) ordered me to turn over face up.  She then started using the sandpaper-like glove to scrub me down to the bone!  There was nothing gentle about the scrubbing - I felt like a little piggy on the butcher's chopping board about to be slaughtered.  She scrubbed me hard on every inch of my body including my face...  Then ordered me to sit up, when she, without warning, splashed buckets of hot water down my head, onto my face, and all over me.  I said to myself, Moroccan kids probably first learned to hold their breath under water like this...

After this, another fat lady ordered me to lay down on the table again.  I was then smothered with very hot seaweed mud all over, including my private part (!!), and was wrapped up like a mummy with a huge plastic wrap.

After God knows how long - I fell sleep and woke up with tailbone hurting from the stone hard table - I was told to sit on a stool to be splashed with more hot water!  Finally, after another 2 rounds of splashing and shower, I had my Moroccan massage - on another marble table.  The lady put some orange flower oil on my body then used very fast massage strokes to massage me like marinating a chicken before roasting!  The whole Hammam experience finished with... guess what... a final hot water shower.

My Moroccan Hammam torture lasted for 2.5 hours.  I still don't know what I was thinking, paying someone around HKD 300 to torture me and order me around.  Yet, it was a strangely exciting experience :)

Dragonboat Race - 500m

Am travelling for work and in taxi to hotel. Can't wait to write a short note on my 2nd dragonboat race of the year which took place yesterday in Deep Water Bay.
It was a great experience racing with this amazing team "FD". It has great team spirit, some very experienced paddlers, very genuine teammates, and a great party vibe!! It was one of the sunniest days in 2010 so far, the sea was relatively calm. Despite being a 500m race - twice the distance of the Stanley races - it was surprisingly manageable and one of my 4 races had 'guests' from Fire Department which really made the boat FLY! To top it off, the event had a great DJ and our team was dancing to the songs before the races attracting a lot of attention! It was the most fun I had had at a dragonboat race!!!
Looking forward to the next race at the Stanley Warm Up!

2010 Resolution

If there's one thing I want to work on, I want to:

Accept that I am not perfect in everything, and that it's okay.

Accept constructive criticisms with an open mind, and a humble attitude, and try to learn from them.

I think that would make me a much better person.  :)

Life Purpose

I asked a wise man, does everyone have a life purpose?
He said to me, yes everyone has a life purpose but for most the life purpose could be very "mundane" because their spiritual awareness can only reach rather basic levels hence their life purpose could be simply following social norms and expectations.

Recently I confirmed my life purpose.  It did not come as a big surprise, or a great awakening, as it stemmed from an idea I had developed a number of years ago - only that for years I did not give it enough thought in what form I could execute it.

Without going into great details, what I am planning to do is to show the world how happiness can be extremely easily attainable, as seen through the eyes of different people from very diverse backgrounds.  I will share more when the right time comes.

The background of this idea is that for years I noticed I had a natural talent of touching the hearts of friends/lovers (especially the lost/sad/confused ones) by showing how happy and content I could be with the most simple things in life.  I have surprised and inspired a number of them whose worlds were rather grey before they met me - yet all this came very effortless to me as I was just living my normal life and feeling happy over simple things around me.  A few months ago I also created a photo album on facebook showcasing all the things which made me smile, which, to my surprise, generated a lot of interests and comments even from acquaintances who normally wouldn't comment on my updates on facebook.  This, and a conversation with my friend Dawn, led me to start giving the idea a more serious thought.

So today I am glad to announce that I will be pursuing my life purpose, personal legend, or whatever you call this.  It will take some effort to create an action plan, doing some basic research how to make it happen, but I have some interesting ideas and I think this has potential to become a great long-term project for me.

I hope you will all find your own life purpose as well.

Friends, Lovers or Nothing - John Mayer

Just came across this song.  Am getting high on it:



Friends Lovers Or Nothing lyrics

Now that we are over as the loving kind,
We'll be dreaming ways to keep the good alive.
Only when we want is not a compromise,
I'd be pouring tears into your drying eyes.

Friends, lovers or nothing,
There can only be one.
Friends, lovers or nothing,
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up.

You whisper, "come on over"'cause you're two drinks in,
But in the morning I will say goodbye again.
Think we'll never fall into the jealous game?
The streets flood with blood of those who felt the same.

Friends, lovers or nothing,
There can only be one.
Friends, lovers or nothing,
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up.

Friends, lovers or nothing,
There can only ever really be one.
Friends, lovers or nothing,
There'll never be an in-between, so give it up.

Anything other than yes is no,
Anything other than stay is go,
Anything less than 'I love you' is lying.

Not Fair - Lily Allen

This song just cracks me up each time I listen to it.  I promise I will never *accidentally* send this to any male friend again!

It's a very rude song.  Pay attention to the lyrics.


Not Fair - Lily Allen

Oh, he treats me with respect,
He says he loves me all the time,
He calls me 15 times a day,
He likes to make sure that im fine,
You know I've never met a man,
Whose made me feel quite so secure,
He's not like all them other boys,
They're all so dumb and immature.

There's just one thing,
That's getting in the way,
When we go up to bed your just no good,
its such a shame!
I look into your eyes,
I want to get to know you,
And then you make this noise,
and its apparently its all over

Its not fair,
And i think your really mean,
I think your really mean,
I think your really mean.

Oh your supposed to care,
But you never make me scream,
You never make me scream,

Oh it's not fair,
And it's really not ok,
It's really not ok,
It's really not ok,

Oh your supposed to care,
But all you do is take,
Yeah, all you do is take.

I lay here in this wet patch
in the middle of the bed,
im feeling pretty damn hard done by
i spent ages giving head.

Then i remember all the nice things
that you've ever said to me,
maybe im just over reacting
maybe your the one for me.

There's just one thing,
That's getting in the way,
When we go up to bed your just no good,
its such a shame!
I look into your eyes,
I want to get to know you,
And then you make this noise,
and its apparently its all over

Its not fair,
And i think your really mean,
I think your really mean,
I think your really mean.

Oh your supposed to care,
But you never make me scream,
You never make me scream,

Oh it's not fair,
And it's really not ok,
It's really not ok,
It's really not ok,

Oh your supposed to care,
But all you do is take,
Yeah, all you do is take.

Companionship

Today I had a fun dragonboat practice (not too strenuous), took a hot shower and chilled in Stanley with my very fun teammates, went home and felt like I wanted more exercise so I went for a lovely walk with a friend/ teammate around the race course and to CWB, then back to Valley.  I had some leftover food, so we went to buy some more food to cook pasta.

It's been years since I really cooked with someone who knew how to cook, and the dinner was prepared surprisingly quickly.

We were having dinner with the TV on and this travel show somehow was talking about dragonboating in Singapore so we finished the show.

Now I'm closing the night alone, probably going to finish my book (re-reading Alchemist for the second time).  Before I get to my book, I want to post this note, reminding myself how nice it is to have good company.

I loved the day.