My Life Ambition

On my flight to Morocco, I realized that I was going to fulfill my dream of visiting the magical country.  I asked myself:  what's next?

For the first time I stopped and thought about ambition and goals.  I had never really set any goals for myself, but for years I had dreamed of:
- Being good at my work and recognized for my contribution - done;
- Seeing the world and traveling to Morocco one day - done;
- Knowing how to swim - done;
- Falling in love - done.

Such were the only real dreams I had had for my life.  Now that I have already done all that I had wanted for myself, what should I do with my life from this point onwards?  What would make me fulfilled?  What would make me feel happy and complete?

Throughout my 20's and early 30's, I have thought of nothing but reaching my personal "goals", realizing my personal dreams.  I've never truly thought of having a family, despite how much I have always adored kids (the adorable ones) - I have always thought about how much of the world I still haven't seen, and how many adventures I haven't experienced hence it would be a long time before I would be ready for a family.  So I surprised myself this morning, when I came to the realization on a plane to Morocco that I actually HAVE seen more of the world than most people have, and HAVE been on plenty more adventures than most people have and I HAVE done enough in my career - and that I no longer yearned for more of that.   For the first time ever in my life, I could visualize myself being a wife and a mother - and feeling at peace with that role.  It didn't strike me as a scary thought anymore, nor did I feel like it was unambitious to have that ambition.  In fact, it's already been a while since I started looking with envy at happily married, gorgeous couples and their beautiful children.  I just never knew that I too would want to give unconditionally to my own family and put my own personal desires second.

After a week of traveling alone in a foreign country, and all the thought-provoking conversations with Lion the professor/driver, I came to realize a few things about myself.  I have always taken for granted the gift of traveling the world and getting to know different cultures.  It was when I talked to Lion, who had basically been to every single place in the world (including a few times to Bhutan) leading expeditions, when I realized I had pretty much seen enough as well - not that I didn't want to go to Greece and Palau and Bhutan, but I didn't need the experience to feel complete.  We both felt like it was life's special arrangement for us to meet and talk about our passion for traveling.  (He drove me to the airport and told me he was happy to have me as his passenger because the conversations made his past miserable few weeks better.  He said he sensed some sadness in me as well - and I told him my boyfriend had just left the weekend before.)  His experience with the plane crash also got me thinking about my future family, my future role as a mother.

It's strange how people do want different things in different stages of their lives.  A year ago, I was only starting to accept the idea of having my own baby.  Just a few months ago, I was still thinking about future trips to Greece and Maldives and Spain.....  It really wasn't until I had the conversations with Lion, when I gave my life aspirations a serious thought.  Isn't it interesting how we sometimes have that moment of enlightenment?  I have been thinking about Kevin a lot, and hoping he'd have his moments of enlightenment.  It's nice to suddenly feel like you've figured out a seemingly complicated matter and everything seems so much clearer.

I don't know when my new dream will come true.  It could be years, it could be never.  Regardless, it's still nice to be aware of where you are heading in life.  Even better, it's great to feel that you've accomplished "enough" for your life so far and hope to move on to greater, more selfless goals.