Sunday, August 14, 2011

I Like Opinionated People

I don't understand why some people feel so intimidated by people with an opinionated personality.  I have a sneaking suspicion that some cannot distinguish between opinionated and judgmental.  You can have your opinion in a topic, based on your experience, values, knowledge of that matter, but not believe and judge that you have THE right and perfect understanding of the matter or that others are clearly wrong.  You can be unconvinced by others opinions while not necessarily believe you are right.  You can have your opinion but not judge.  That's in my humble opinion what is meant by opinionated. 

Yes I have a POV (point of view) on some topics, but I do sincerely respect others' POV (even when I truly do not agree).  It's only when people - especially friends - tell me what I should think, how I should feel, how I should live, I get defensive.  [Please don't tell me I should live like someone else.  Please don't tell me I should keep giving young, life-inexperienced guys a chance.  Please don't tell me I should give men who give me goosebumps (at the thought of ever getting remotely intimate with) a chance.]  I seek for friends' advice, such as Stef and Dawn's - thank you girls - when I need it, and I respect them for always giving it so much thought and offering me good suggestions, but never trying to force an idea on me. 

Yes I have my values and my thinking, and I will never give this up.  If I have to forgo my POV in order to be with a man who isn't interested in my viewpoint, I'd rather not have a man.  If all my friends have no opinions in anything and only listen to mine, I'd rather have no friends.

I miss having a really good conversation and sharing different POVs.  I genuinely enjoy such thought provoking discussions because that's when you learn about other ways to look at the same topic/ matter.  That's how you grow and become inspired.  I have this male friend who also appears to be judgmental sometimes - probably because he does have a cocky personality as well - but I do enjoy chatting with him and debating on topics because the debate rarely gets heated and we do sometimes end up saying "yeah, actually you ARE right.  I never thought about it that way." 

I do have friends with some really quirky POVs but I love them for having an opinion on things.  I don't have to always agree with them.  What's the big deal with agreeing to disagree? 

I would hope that as people get older, they become more open-minded to hear different opinions, so everyone can be freer and more direct in the way they express their thoughts.  But people around me - local Chinese usually - sometimes tend to analyze each and every word I say, and this is making me self-conscious about my choice of words.  Come on, lighten up!!  Don't read too much into everything I say, it's just a suggestion!  An opinion!  So that you can share yours!  You're turning me into a boring person!

For that, I have learned to really love making friends with Dutch people.  A bit of stereotyping, but I have come across a lot of Dutch people - mainly through work - who are very outspoken and opinionated.  And I love them for that!  Also, some of my many other "gweilo" friends, I feel so much more at ease chatting with them.  It's cool to sometimes use stronger words to bring out a point, but not worried they read far too much into it, but the idea itself.

Having said all this, if you still cannot accept me for this, I accept that we cannot be good friends.


  1. :) Well said. I give up "hoping" people would grow up and be.....unbiased towards a POV, or be mature enough to accept that people are different, each is an individual, whereby certain values we could hold on together, such as to be a good citizen, not kill someone, etc; and at other times we hold completely set of different values....and so what if we have different ideas. I prefer talking to pple who would view a discussion as an open book exam - anything goes, that vibe could inspire more creativity & honesty! :)

  2. Yes I like open minded ppl like you.