Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Deceased - Friendship in Relationship Rarely Lasts

A friend of mine debated with me a few months ago whether ex's could remain friends.  I argued that they could.  A few months later, I realized what a freak my boyfriend from a few years ago was - the one who sneakily threw my phone onto the floor when I caught him checking my phone.  Now I realize even my 2-year ex is not my friend.

It really sucks to realize that I spent 2 years with someone, treating him like family, like the most precious thing to me, he is afterall "the deceased" - in Brazilian portuguese, they call ex's who are no longer somebody "the deceased".  For months I thought he was still a great friend deep down and we cared about each other as friends.  Then he came over this morning, broke some news to me, made me cry (which I didn't and don't blame him for) - and to top it off he once again said that he hadn't done anything wrong but I made him feel bad about it.  Yes, it was apparently evil of me to feel hurt, because it appeared to him a passive-aggressive way to make him feel guilty.

It was after that I realized that he was never a true friend to me.  All that time I was with him, he did so many unintentional but extremely hurtful things to me - and when he felt bad about it he accused me of making him feel bad.  If he had been a true friend, he wouldn't have hurt me the way he had in the first place.  He would have avoided it.  He would have thought about consequences of his words before saying things like,"my parents were right about you!"

I only truly realize now that friendship in relationships rarely means anything after the relationships die.  I have also become "the deceased" to them.  My feelings don't matter at all.

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