Saturday Morning

Today was a rare Saturday I was in town and didn't need to dash to dragon boat race or something. So, I decided to do something nice for myself. I made myself two shots of expresso, and a nice fresh pasta lunch. I rarely cooked for myself these days. I remember I used to love cooking breakfast or lunch when I was dating, but since becoming single, cooking for myself was just too much hassle. Today, I enjoyed the hassle.

A guy asked me during a date if I was interested in dating. I didn't mean to reject him flatly, and I meant what I said: In general? If I am interested in dating in general? (Of course I knew he meant dating HIM.) To be honest, I haven't thought about it at all. Hmm... Really, I haven't thought about it. I guess I'm just going with the flow.

I am starting to not miss dating. I used to miss first kisses, waking up staring at the guy in the morning, holding hands, bear hugs, clinging onto the guy's arm like a koala bear, etc..... But I am sort of feeling perhaps a bit too comfortable with myself, and haven't met anyone who made me really want to start dating. I keep associating dating with "a lot of work" in my head, and wish I didn't think that way. I probably just haven't met the right guy yet. It's ok though, I am busy and I am happy and I still got time :)

Dog vs Man

We all know that one of the reasons it becomes harder to find a companion as we get older is the fact that we have formed our own living habits and found a comfortable lifestyle. It is not always easy to find someone with a compatible lifestyle or someone who is willing to compromise and vice versa. For me, it seems my dog incorporated lifestyle has become the latest obstacle. (Not that I will compromise though.)

I myself am a newish dog owner, I never understood how precious that bond, that responsibility, that devotion and commitment was until I watched my dog develop from puppyhood. He is a life, an individual entity (not just A dog), and family to me. The best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can understand why non dog-owners might simply assume this as obsession.

It is anything but obsession: A dog is not a man, it is more precious than a man in so many ways, I tell you!

I know exactly how to make my dog happy. Very happy. A man's happiness comes from so many different sources.

I am what my dog looks forward to each day. I wouldn't dare expect my man to simply look forward to seeing me each day. I would be lucky if he doesn't occasionally find it a dread to HAVE to see me after a tough day at work.

My dog may get upset at me sometimes, if I deny him access to a room, or do not involve him in some seemingly fun activity, e.g. pouring bleach down the drain. He pouts, but we make up in no time. I have dated so many guys who really held a grudge.

My dog is fully predictable. I know how he would react to things, whether positively or negatively. Not all men are predictable.

My dog has no issue displaying his affection and expressing his feelings. Every emotion shows. I just need to learn to read his body language. I have dated many men who bottled up their feelings then suddenly exploded.

My dog loves me unconditionally. I don't need to put on a sweet smile, wear makeup, high heels, short skirt to make him love me more. He doesn't stop loving me because I care too much about him, or because I am too smart for him.

My dog allows me to love him unconditionally in return without holding back. He wouldn't freak out and think I am crazy for loving him.

A dog is NOT to me replacement of a man in my life. It goes without saying that there are many things only a man can give me, e.g. guidance, emotional support, physical pleasure, intellectual exchange, inspiration, etc. So, yes, of course I want both my dog and a man - a good one - to be my companions.

BUT, if in the occasion where a man who doesn't like dogs forces me to choose between him and my dog - I am sorry, but my dog would be a much better bet. He is here to stay for at least 15 years.

Solo in Italy - My Laid-Back Travel

I spent a week in Italy just to rest away from my usual surroundings and it became one of my best trips. I might not have visited the highest number of tourist attractions or highly reviewed restaurants on tripadvisor, but quantity means nothing to me in this trip. It was not about the most, but the BEST experience - even if it meant just one excellent meal, one heart-warming conversation, one breathtaking view.

The picture here was taken in Orvieto, Umbria. It was an impromptu day trip suggested by a local, after I mentioned that I wanted to visit a quiet town like Sienna, but near to Rome. It was a sweet journey, walking off the beaten path without bothering to follow the map or any guidebook and finding a quiet spot - with no one in sight - to enjoy this rare sight. All other tourists flocked to Duomo, underground caves, tower, ceramic shops. I covered most of those but also had some undisturbed beautiful views of the city and surrounding areas. It was priceless.

Every traveler's source of fulfillment in a trip varies. For a first visit to a city, I do often try to visit the key highlights, to experience as much of the best as possible. But for a second visit, I find it more enjoyable to take it easy and try to understand more of a local's way of life and view of the city. More of a cultural exploration. This trip allowed me to sit back and observe people, slowly enjoy a fantastic homestyle meal without having to chow down my food and rush to a museum or something, leisurely stroll around unfamiliar areas and get lost for a while (before GPS came to my rescue), have meaningful (and flirtatious.....) conversations with a local, take part in a 5-hour cooking class (I don't give a damn how many tourist spots I could have otherwise visited in 5 hours.)..... I walked a lot, rested a lot, talked a lot, smiled a lot. Just what I wanted.

You are special, BUT.....

The B&B owner didn't arrive in the morning to say goodbye.  He sent me an SMS saying: Not all the guests are the same, someone is special and my dad was right. :) I would have had more time to spend with you, but...that's life.  Take care of you (yourself), M.  The message made me sad.  Not because of this person in particular, but too many guys had said similar things to me and I didn't need one more during my 6-day trip. "I like you a lot, but....."  "You are special to me, but....."  "I want to be with you, but....." If there's any "but"', please just keep everything to yourself. I don't want to know how you feel about me if whatever you feel is unjustified at the end of the day, for a short romance or in this case even a proper goodbye hug.  I never asked you to leave your girlfriend, or your business, your job, your country.  Why create such drama by telling me what your dad thought of me, how you found me special, unconventional, yet dangerous?  (in our other conversations)

I May Not Look 35, but I Certainly Have Experienced Like 35.

I have been traveling in Rome for a week staying in a B&B run by a young (31-yr old) Italian guy who quit his ad agency job to start this business. And strangely, he has become quite fond of me.

Don't get too excited yet - he has a girlfriend and is well aware of our cultural & language barriers (though he is already quite westernized and well traveled for an average Roman), and of course it is also unprofessional for him to mess around with his guest. So, despite our flirtatious behaviour (texting each other when I'm out doing touristy stuff, messaging each other on facebook chat, texting me from the dining room when our morning conversation got interrupted by guests who entered the room for breakfast, asking me "did you sleep well in my bed".....), he bailed a few times after suggesting casually to take me to have coffee or to have gelato in his fav shop. Fair enough.

Today he bailed again, and sent me a message late night, apologizing for delayed SMS, and inability to meet me. I didn't bother replying. And likely he's wondering if I am upset.

My thought on this:
I may not look my age, but I certainly have met and surpassed the minimum life experience for my age. My experience has taught me that most people I meet in my life are likely to be quite predictable. Men, in particular, are very predictable when it comes to emotions and their resulting behaviour. Thus, no need to take anyone too seriously too soon.

So, am I disappointed? Not exactly. I sort of sensed his pattern. Am I upset? Well, just a little, that he wasn't one of those few people who could prove my prediction wrong.

I am not stating that I know everything and am always right. I am merely saying that life does have certain general patterns that repeat themselves, whether we want to accept or not. And I am being realistic and practical WHILE REMAINING HOPEFUL AND OPTIMISTIC THAT I MAY ENCOUNTER EXCEPTIONS TO GENERAL PATTERNS. Each time I meet someone, I always secretly hope he will be a pleasant surprise.

Half My Life Journey Is Complete

Today is my 35th birthday and it strikes me that basically half of my life is gone. If there's another 35 years in my life waiting for me to explore, I don't know if that's long or short. Sounds long, but, I HAVE already finished 35 years ALREADY at the blink of an eye.

幸福

每天早上，開門入小狗的睡房，看著他伸伸懶腰，像小貓般打哈欠，剛剛睡醒的模樣，我覺得很幸福。
每天回家，把他抱到懷中，他懶洋洋地把毛茸茸的小頭靠在我肩上，我覺得很幸福。
每個晚上，在他睡前與他玩耍一回，我覺得很幸福。

I Like Opinionated People

I don't understand why some people feel so intimidated by people with an opinionated personality.  I have a sneaking suspicion that some cannot distinguish between opinionated and judgmental.  You can have your opinion in a topic, based on your experience, values, knowledge of that matter, but not believe and judge that you have THE right and perfect understanding of the matter or that others are clearly wrong.  You can be unconvinced by others opinions while not necessarily believe you are right.  You can have your opinion but not judge.  That's in my humble opinion what is meant by opinionated. 


Yes I have a POV (point of view) on some topics, but I do sincerely respect others' POV (even when I truly do not agree).  It's only when people - especially friends - tell me what I should think, how I should feel, how I should live, I get defensive.  [Please don't tell me I should live like someone else.  Please don't tell me I should keep giving young, life-inexperienced guys a chance.  Please don't tell me I should give men who give me goosebumps (at the thought of ever getting remotely intimate with) a chance.]  I seek for friends' advice, such as Stef and Dawn's - thank you girls - when I need it, and I respect them for always giving it so much thought and offering me good suggestions, but never trying to force an idea on me. 

Yes I have my values and my thinking, and I will never give this up.  If I have to forgo my POV in order to be with a man who isn't interested in my viewpoint, I'd rather not have a man.  If all my friends have no opinions in anything and only listen to mine, I'd rather have no friends.

I miss having a really good conversation and sharing different POVs.  I genuinely enjoy such thought provoking discussions because that's when you learn about other ways to look at the same topic/ matter.  That's how you grow and become inspired.  I have this male friend who also appears to be judgmental sometimes - probably because he does have a cocky personality as well - but I do enjoy chatting with him and debating on topics because the debate rarely gets heated and we do sometimes end up saying "yeah, actually you ARE right.  I never thought about it that way." 


I do have friends with some really quirky POVs but I love them for having an opinion on things.  I don't have to always agree with them.  What's the big deal with agreeing to disagree? 

I would hope that as people get older, they become more open-minded to hear different opinions, so everyone can be freer and more direct in the way they express their thoughts.  But people around me - local Chinese usually - sometimes tend to analyze each and every word I say, and this is making me self-conscious about my choice of words.  Come on, lighten up!!  Don't read too much into everything I say, it's just a suggestion!  An opinion!  So that you can share yours!  You're turning me into a boring person!

For that, I have learned to really love making friends with Dutch people.  A bit of stereotyping, but I have come across a lot of Dutch people - mainly through work - who are very outspoken and opinionated.  And I love them for that!  Also, some of my many other "gweilo" friends, I feel so much more at ease chatting with them.  It's cool to sometimes use stronger words to bring out a point, but not worried they read far too much into it, but the idea itself.

Having said all this, if you still cannot accept me for this, I accept that we cannot be good friends.

我看戀愛、婚姻

我懷念戀愛，但不渴望戀愛。
太多希望，也太多失望。沒興趣的，就沒有期望吧。（那就根本想也不會想！）有興趣的，就自然希望那人品格高尚，是有誠意的。沒可能連這也不期望吧？有時候等表示等到不耐煩，算吧！

有些人常常勸我不要浪費時間，不斷向我sell一些「筍盤」，認為有錢、是好人，就夠了。真的足夠嗎？胡亂找個伴結婚就是幸福嗎？

我羨慕已婚的女人嗎？不見得。一般可見到的婚姻生活都像是極枯燥。連已婚的一些男性朋友也對我說婚姻是人生最大的scam。似乎只有女的享受這scam。。。我有些已婚朋友會各自有很多時間和自己的朋友hang out。那些marriage似乎快樂點。每分每秒都只有互相作伴，變成唯一朋友，多恐怖。婚姻不見得會是我生命的全部。

我不渴望戀愛，因為害怕重複地失望。始終disappointing 的男人比promising的多。不代表我不會拍拖、不會戀愛。只是說我不極度渴望，不知還有多少冤枉路要走才遇到真正合得來的。In the meantime, 應酬無聊男孩們又會被人罵我浪費時間、嚇走其他好的男人；不理會他們又會被罵整天呆在家（which is not true, I am very busy)。總是被人批評。

Jimi Hendrix - Rainy Day, Dream Away

I don't like rainy days.  My face looks very dull without sun rays.  Yet today, I am enjoying the heavy rain, suddenly remembering a romantic walk in the rain with a man I was very attracted to, completely soaked to the bone, from South Bay to Repulse Bay.  I think it was our first date as well. 

I knew he had a girlfriend in Malaysia.  He knew that I knew as well.  We both knew it was a rather inappropriate date.  That didn't stop us from exchanging secret stares of affection.

Looking Forward to Being in Love Again

Enjoy my space. Enjoy the quietness. Enjoy my freedom. Enjoy being spontaneous.

Yet, there's a part of me that misses holding hands with someone I like, feeling nervous about a date, blushing when someone looks at me with affection, falling asleep with someone's scent still left on my pillow.....

I feel very lucky to be still single - it means I will get to experience all this at least once more before settling down with someone and never get to be in love again. I look forward to being in love again.

A Girl Like Me

A young boy asked me, where can I find a girl like you? You are sweet and caring, you make an ideal girlfriend. I can't believe you are single.

I said, guys usually fall for my silly side but cannot accept me when I am strong, independent and opinionated. I cannot be silly 24/7, I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in when the situation calls for it. When I am pissed off people around me also get really scared without me saying anything. Also, I somehow make men feel like they aren't good enough for me. Perhaps they really aren't..... I don't know why but it happens a lot. Everyone assumes I must have a lot of dates so as a result no one dares pursue me until just recently.

I hope this boy gives up idealizing this girl and finds himself a sweet and simple girl he deserves. A girl like me is not for a boy like him. She needs a wise and experienced man to take good care of her.

May I ask you out on a date?

A few days ago, a European friend surprised me by properly asking me out on a date.  I was surprised partly because I had known him for over a year and there had never been anything remotely flirtatious in our limited interactions as teammates (rather than friends).  More importantly, I was surprised anyone still remembered the specialness of properly ask a lady out on a date.  These days, men suggest to "hang out", "catch up", "meet up" in replacement of a date - a much more sincere form of getting to know each other and showing interest. 

Just today, I received a Whatsapp message from another guy - oh yes I've been popular lately - saying "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"  Are we teenagers now?  "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"!  To me, that's not too different from saying "Hey I dig you.  Can I DIG you?  *wink wink*".  A week ago, yet another guy asked me to "celebrate his flat move".

Homer Simpson Tummy

I do not necessarily need a very handsome man as a date, but I absolutely cannot deal with a man with Homer Simpson belly.  [Puke]

I may not have the perfect body myself, but I refuse to be touched by any guy with a belly like that!  Just last Saturday, someone from my sports team took off his shirt at the bar and his big belly was a shocking eyesore!  Not only did he look gross to me, while I was sitting and talking to someone, he walked over half-drunk and started twisting his body dancing in front of me, rubbing his penis against my knee!  Ewwww  is that super gross or what? 

Confident Men. Like! +1!

A young guy sent me a text message:  How about we go watch the Smurfs?
I was busy at work so I didn't respond.  So after a minute or so, he sent a follow-up text message: So you can get Smurf'd
I was still busy so I didn't respond.  Perhaps he thought I found his message silly so I didn't respond, after another minute, he followed up with another message: That last part sounds weird.  Ignore that last part.

When I finally saw the three messages, I almost slapped my forehead, thinking: Poor Boy! When even your messages show you have so little confidence, you're doomed to fail even if it's a young girl you're after.

I like confident men who have qualities and achievements to be confident about.  I like confident men who proactively pursue me and do not show that they are afraid of failing.  I like confident men who seem to have an opinion on everything (yet humble enough to listen to others' perspectives).  I like confident men who know I'll find their confidence charming.  :)

The Boys Get Younger and Younger

I don't know to feel proud of myself or not, but it seems like I am attracting younger and younger guys these days, in their early to late 20's!

Sweet boys, but NO -  I really am not attracted to boys, not sexually, not emotionally.  (Ewwwwwwwww!!)  It's cute hanging out with them, talking about light-hearted topics, be spontaneous, carefree..... as if I were 24 again.  But dating?  No way!  Really, NO WAY!

New Toy - iPad 2

After months of consideration, I finally got my iPad 2 and I really like it!

I thought it'd be basically just a bigger version of iPhone 4, and while it is in a way, there's also other pros as well. There's various apps which really make the whole browsing experience very cool. For me, blogging is also a key use of the device, and it is so much easier on the iPad (even better with the wireless keyboard I got).

So I gotta run now - busy checking out which magazines are cool to read and on sale :)

Solo Travel - Next Destination is Rome!

I love sudden travel ideas when I least expect to travel - this time it's Rome!

I will have 2-week break from work in September before starting a new job.  Originally I wasn't planning to go anywhere, since my next job will require a lot of traveling within the region.  Yet, someone pointed out correctly that my work travels will not be for pleasure, so I should still consider a real vacation to chill and get ready for the next challenge.

At first I was only considering places like Bali, Tokyo, Bangkok..... somewhere close and easy to get around.  Then I thought to myself, if I knew that place reasonably well, I could still relax there without the need to stress myself out having a jam-packed trip.  So, the idea of Rome suddenly flashed in my mind, a charming city I had visited back in 2009 and had enjoyed immensely.

Most of my friends like Florence more than Rome.  I personally love how dramatic Rome is, all those exaggerated doors and architecture, and I really enjoyed sitting in touristy or quiet piazzas doing absolutely nothing.  Having said that, I do like Tuscany as a whole.  I do wish I could visit Sienna again and some other Tuscan towns.

Back to my Rome trip.  A few ideas in mind:
1. Borghese Gallery - I regret missing this amazing gallery because I had forgotten to book online beforehand.
2. Sitting in front of the Trevi Fountain to eat gelato and do absolutely nothing!
3. Having many many cups of nice coffee!
4. Taking Cooking Classes in Rome to learn to cook Italian food.
5. Strolling around Porta Portese flea market on Sunday, hopefully finding some great bargains.
6. Sitting outside the Pantheon after dinner and do nothing.
7. Eat lots :)

Am looking forward to it!

Animal Photography

A lot of friends have asked me how I managed to take so many action shots of Curly as well as still shots where he looked right into the camera.

I am no professional photographer, so I don't have much to share in terms of technique.  Though I do have a few tips to share (with those who struggle with this):

1. STAY command for STILL shots - Absolutely necessary otherwise your picture will always be fuzzy and out of focus.  You need to be able to make your dog stay still (willingly - if forced down, your dog's expression will show it). 

2. TOY or TREAT to capture attention - For still shots, if you have a toy or a treat in one hand, not only will your dog be more willing to stay for the picture, but also he/she will more likely have a happy/ excited expression on his face.  In Curly's case, his eyes basically light up!  For action shots, it helps to throw a toy in the direction you want your dog to run to.  In many cases, you need to do it repeatedly to get the best shot.
3. EYE CONTACT for STILL shots - Cameras, phones are inanimate objects hence not the most interesting things to stare at for a long time while you try to set the focus or adjust the flash.  After you've done all the adjustments, try not to stare into the camera viewfinder or the screen of your iphone, but lower it a little so you can have eye contact with your dog.  This helps to capture your dog seemingly looking at the camera.
4. GET DOWN on your knees - Especially if you have small dogs, you get much better shots of your dog's expression and movement when you lower yourself (and your camera) to their eye level.
5. TV MODE of DSLR cameras for ACTION shots - iPhone is fine for still shots, but definitely not suitable for action shots.  If you have a DSLR, TV Mode can help you really capture the movement as if you've stopped time.  I love mid-air shots of my dog.

Being Good and Honest Does Pay Off

One of the many things in life I am extremely grateful for is that I have met a good number of friends through working with offices in other markets. 

Last year I was asked to take part in an internal regional project, where I was one of the few participants with good experience in the subject matter.  A workshop was held in Hong Kong and some 25 colleagues from other offices flew in to join.  During the workshop, in such group environment, it was quite apparent who had little knowledge of the subject matter (hence no valuable input), who had hidden agenda and tried to push for certain outcomes to please top management, and who were truly knowledgeable and tried to fight for what they believed was the right thing to do.  Through fighting together with someone from that latter group, I made friends with this fatherly figure based in Cyprus.  

A few days ago, company announced his promotion to a rather specialized role.  Today, I saw him on Communicator so I had chat with him.

I said to him, "congratulations on your new role! Of all people, I'm glad you're leading this, because you are a good person and you are honest about what you think is right."

He replied, "Tea Yee, you are a good colleague and friend. Let me give you one piece of advice - Being good and honest does pay off..... at a personal level at least. So continue to be good and honest."

I am very grateful for his piece of advice.