I ended my work week badly on Friday, with bad news from my biggest client - potentially the study would be cancelled or significantly scaled down because of cost control pressure from their headquarters. The client's share price has dropped by 10% in just 3 days last week.
It was a real blow to me. I had worked very hard to win this enormous study back in Dec.
Today because I was busy preparing alternative quotations to client, I missed an internal meeting. My "new" boss, for whatever reason, announced the news to other seniors of the department. My work "partner" immediately asked him about the implications on his team and my team, and allocation of accounts, as if I had already lost the entire project. Then 10 minutes ago (it's 9ish and I'm still in office preparing quotation), another colleague dropped by and said she was sorry about my project. I was so upset even though I knew she wanted to show her concern, and she said my "new" boss had asked her to check with her friend in my client's company what had happened. What the hell is going on? I haven't lost the project yet, and already my boss is making it sound like I have. And what contact could my colleague have at my client's company, who's more senior than the global contact that I have??
I complained to my "old" boss, and told him I wasn't happy about such internal marketing. He understood, and I'm sure he felt just as crap.
I feel so upset that there's been so much internal marketing of this before anything was even finalized. It's causing so much gossip, rumours, speculation already. And it's making me feel even crappier than the incident itself.
If only there was someone I could cry to.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Lost
Was cleaning the house, putting away pictures, when I found a letter from Nov 2008 and some more old pictures.
I was staring at the pictures, how beautiful we were together, how happy, and how content he was. I sometimes look at the picture of us taken the night we met, and I miss that guy so much. I really miss that guy who was so confident in himself and in the relationship, he was grateful for everything that he had, and found such meaning in everyday life. He was a very simple person, no bitterness or grudges, and I loved him for being just that.
I looked at his picture again, with Lost season premiere playing in the background, and I wonder where that "him" had gone. I really felt like crying, but once again I found that I couldn't. There was no more tears coming down my face and I didn't know why. But my throat felt cold like I had tears flowing backwards and down my throat.
I hope one day he finds himself like that again. It was a really awesome guy I fell in love with, and even my friends still remember him as a cheerful, funny, positive person - who co-hosted my Chinese New Year house party 2 years ago. I don't regret spending those 2 years together, no matter how horrible the ending was, because I chose to be with someone I was very proud of and deserved my love.
I was staring at the pictures, how beautiful we were together, how happy, and how content he was. I sometimes look at the picture of us taken the night we met, and I miss that guy so much. I really miss that guy who was so confident in himself and in the relationship, he was grateful for everything that he had, and found such meaning in everyday life. He was a very simple person, no bitterness or grudges, and I loved him for being just that.
I looked at his picture again, with Lost season premiere playing in the background, and I wonder where that "him" had gone. I really felt like crying, but once again I found that I couldn't. There was no more tears coming down my face and I didn't know why. But my throat felt cold like I had tears flowing backwards and down my throat.
I hope one day he finds himself like that again. It was a really awesome guy I fell in love with, and even my friends still remember him as a cheerful, funny, positive person - who co-hosted my Chinese New Year house party 2 years ago. I don't regret spending those 2 years together, no matter how horrible the ending was, because I chose to be with someone I was very proud of and deserved my love.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Yoga - Power 2
So yesterday I ended up missing my regular class at Pure Yoga because of my hair appointment. I was so disappointed and desperate I called back the studio to check if there was any other Power 1 or Hatha 1 class with available spots yesterday. Turned out there was only Power 2 (advanced class) left - I hadn't been to a Power 2 class in 3 years even though years ago I used to attend Power 2 only. So out of desperation, I signed up for the Power 2.
Getting ready in the studio was already intimating enough - the students walked into the studio all looking like some Mainland Chinese Shaolin / Kung Fu students (or wannabes - still scary enough). Most were Chinese - surprisingly - with the exception of a few Caucasians. Those Shaolin students all looked so serious, and during class they really gave it 200%. The only other class of similar intimation level (well, slightly higher) was Wild Lotus class at Pure Yoga - a class most of the instructors attended - but that was a totally different league.
The class was great - did not repeat the same routine in Hatha 1 or Power 1.... Not the typical Sun Salutation warmup, and this class was also much longer 90 mins - to me the right length of class I was used to. I realy needed to pay a lot of attention in class as the flow, variations of asanas (poses) were very "freestyle" to me - so I had to figure out which hand to be placed where, torso to lean forward or tilt backward toward one leg or center...... It was very interesting to challenge myself. Surprisingly my body isn't aching too bad today despite stopping my practice for 3 weeks during my trips, only my abs, back and waist feeling a little tight like an old lady :)
I really enjoy yoga and I plan to write about different yoga poses every now and then. Here's the drawing of one of my favourite poses:
Getting ready in the studio was already intimating enough - the students walked into the studio all looking like some Mainland Chinese Shaolin / Kung Fu students (or wannabes - still scary enough). Most were Chinese - surprisingly - with the exception of a few Caucasians. Those Shaolin students all looked so serious, and during class they really gave it 200%. The only other class of similar intimation level (well, slightly higher) was Wild Lotus class at Pure Yoga - a class most of the instructors attended - but that was a totally different league.
The class was great - did not repeat the same routine in Hatha 1 or Power 1.... Not the typical Sun Salutation warmup, and this class was also much longer 90 mins - to me the right length of class I was used to. I realy needed to pay a lot of attention in class as the flow, variations of asanas (poses) were very "freestyle" to me - so I had to figure out which hand to be placed where, torso to lean forward or tilt backward toward one leg or center...... It was very interesting to challenge myself. Surprisingly my body isn't aching too bad today despite stopping my practice for 3 weeks during my trips, only my abs, back and waist feeling a little tight like an old lady :)
I really enjoy yoga and I plan to write about different yoga poses every now and then. Here's the drawing of one of my favourite poses:
Anger
Two friends tried to persuade me to start going to church, for various reasons, including understanding God's arrangement. I'm not sure if I am ready for that path yet, since I do believe in God, I do "talk" to Him, only that I stopped asking questions. I rarely asked God or the angels or anything like that what was the meaning of the breakup. I've learned to accept and stop dwelling on it. But yesterday, I did, out of anger. I basically demanded an answer, and I do not recall being so angry about anything for a very very long time.
Yesterday morning I had my hair appointment at my usual salon. I was supposed to leave before 1:30pm the latest, as I had a yoga class to attend. I had really made it a point to my stylist - and because of some various reasons she ended up finishing an hour late. And because she finished late, the most unexpected thing happened. I saw in my mirror the reflection of my ex walking by in the blue hair salon robe. My stylist also confirmed that her husband was cutting hair for my ex. I was speechless.
It was unexpected because I had been persuading him for 2 years to go there instead of the other salons which had given him normally rather bad cuts, but he had never listened. Why the hell did he go to my salon finally after we broke up? If he had never trusted my recommendation, why did he trust it now? And most importantly, since he has been avoiding me like plague, of all places why did he choose to go to "my" salon?
We were like complete strangers. I didn't want to walk over and say hello, not wanting to provoke him and make a fool of myself if he ignored me.
Strangely, the whole day I was very disturbed by this "meet up", not out of pain and sadness, but anger. I couldn't really understand the anger boiling in me, I just knew that I wanted so hard to cry but I couldn't, there was no tears. I tried to cry it out while in the yoga studio waiting for class to start, but I couldn't. I was angry.
I don't know if I was angry about him going to "my territory" as if he was challenging me, or if I was angry simply at the whole "arrangement" by the higher beings. I wasn't supposed to be there after 1:30pm. Why was I? It was as though something/ someone intentionally arranged it. Why? Why!
If he chose to vanish from my world completely like a dead* person, then STAY DEAD. Why come back to life to haunt me? Why?
For a week I was moving on well, finding peace within myself, accepting things as they happened and not angry at anyone. In fact, I was never angry at him in the past 2 years. Yes I felt hurt or upset sometimes about things like any normal person would, but I was never angry at him. I loved him so much and truly felt blessed to have him as my boyfriend. I smiled when I was far far away in some remote country reading his sweet SMS messages.
I don't understand this anger and I don't want it. I have to find a way to lose it.
*Don't take this literally. Of course I would never want him dead. He chose to act like he was dead in my world. I always hoped we could remain very close friends because I truly enjoyed his company.
Yesterday morning I had my hair appointment at my usual salon. I was supposed to leave before 1:30pm the latest, as I had a yoga class to attend. I had really made it a point to my stylist - and because of some various reasons she ended up finishing an hour late. And because she finished late, the most unexpected thing happened. I saw in my mirror the reflection of my ex walking by in the blue hair salon robe. My stylist also confirmed that her husband was cutting hair for my ex. I was speechless.
It was unexpected because I had been persuading him for 2 years to go there instead of the other salons which had given him normally rather bad cuts, but he had never listened. Why the hell did he go to my salon finally after we broke up? If he had never trusted my recommendation, why did he trust it now? And most importantly, since he has been avoiding me like plague, of all places why did he choose to go to "my" salon?
We were like complete strangers. I didn't want to walk over and say hello, not wanting to provoke him and make a fool of myself if he ignored me.
Strangely, the whole day I was very disturbed by this "meet up", not out of pain and sadness, but anger. I couldn't really understand the anger boiling in me, I just knew that I wanted so hard to cry but I couldn't, there was no tears. I tried to cry it out while in the yoga studio waiting for class to start, but I couldn't. I was angry.
I don't know if I was angry about him going to "my territory" as if he was challenging me, or if I was angry simply at the whole "arrangement" by the higher beings. I wasn't supposed to be there after 1:30pm. Why was I? It was as though something/ someone intentionally arranged it. Why? Why!
If he chose to vanish from my world completely like a dead* person, then STAY DEAD. Why come back to life to haunt me? Why?
For a week I was moving on well, finding peace within myself, accepting things as they happened and not angry at anyone. In fact, I was never angry at him in the past 2 years. Yes I felt hurt or upset sometimes about things like any normal person would, but I was never angry at him. I loved him so much and truly felt blessed to have him as my boyfriend. I smiled when I was far far away in some remote country reading his sweet SMS messages.
I don't understand this anger and I don't want it. I have to find a way to lose it.
*Don't take this literally. Of course I would never want him dead. He chose to act like he was dead in my world. I always hoped we could remain very close friends because I truly enjoyed his company.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Lucky Money 橫財
I never had much "lucky money" before in my life, overall I was never a super lucky person. Today was a breakthrough - I learned that I got $12000 to $18000 from my company for NOT flying business class to those remote countries like Austria, Argentina, Morocco! My department secretary said,"it's not easy money though, you earned it by sacrificing your health!" Indeed it was "hard labour" money. I flew some 15 hours to Vienna; 30 hours to Argentina; 17 hours back to Hong Kong from Morocco! That was a total of 11 flights in 3 weeks.
Talking about lucky money, on my flight back to Hong Kong I was sitting next to this Mainland Chinese guy who had been working in Brazil for 1 year. He told me that he and his (Chinese) colleagues were guaranteed 10000 dollars by their company (I am not sure if he was referring to RMB or Reais. If the latter, it is equivalent to some 40000 HKD!) each time they got mugged in Brazil. 10000 bucks!! He said they were always very cooperative when they got robbed. No wonder!
Talking about lucky money, on my flight back to Hong Kong I was sitting next to this Mainland Chinese guy who had been working in Brazil for 1 year. He told me that he and his (Chinese) colleagues were guaranteed 10000 dollars by their company (I am not sure if he was referring to RMB or Reais. If the latter, it is equivalent to some 40000 HKD!) each time they got mugged in Brazil. 10000 bucks!! He said they were always very cooperative when they got robbed. No wonder!
Lovers Cards
I had a very sweet boyfriend who once loved giving me very special cards all the time, to tell me how much he treasured me and was happy with me. I was cleaning the house just now, putting away pictures and cards, and read the messages in a few of those numerous cards.
It's strange reading those old messages or emails (I've been avoiding the emails like plague). All those endearing nicknames, sweet and touching words telling you how he happy he was with you and how much he treasured you and how much he wanted many many more happy times with you... You can't help but wonder what happened along the way? Is it really possible to adore someone and feel so grateful to have that someone in your life not that long ago, and then change your mind? It's a rhetorical question. Of course I know it's more than possible. It's just wildly strange and confusing to me (no sarcasm intended).
There's no point trying to understand what happened. I've learned to just accept things as they come. And accept that at least I have once made someone very happy and moved.
There's too many things I don't understand in life, but the ONLY thing I need to understand is myself.
It's strange reading those old messages or emails (I've been avoiding the emails like plague). All those endearing nicknames, sweet and touching words telling you how he happy he was with you and how much he treasured you and how much he wanted many many more happy times with you... You can't help but wonder what happened along the way? Is it really possible to adore someone and feel so grateful to have that someone in your life not that long ago, and then change your mind? It's a rhetorical question. Of course I know it's more than possible. It's just wildly strange and confusing to me (no sarcasm intended).
There's no point trying to understand what happened. I've learned to just accept things as they come. And accept that at least I have once made someone very happy and moved.
There's too many things I don't understand in life, but the ONLY thing I need to understand is myself.
I Dig this Song - Muse - I Belong To You (+ Mon Ceur S'ouvre A Ta Voix)
Please listen to the whole song. The arrangement is amazing.
When these pillars get pulled down,
It will be you who wears the crown,
And I'll owe everything to you
How much pain has quaked your soul?
How much love would make you whole?
You're my guiding lightning strike
I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you
And she attacks me like a Leo,
When my heart is split like Rio,
And I assure you my debts are real
I can't find the words to say,
When I'm confused,
I travelled half the world to say,
You are my muse
Ah! réponds, réponds à ma tendresse,
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse,
Réponds à ma tendresse,
Réponds à ma tendresse,
Ah, verse-moi l'ivresse,
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse
Réponds à ma tendresse!
Réponds à ma tendresse!
Ah! verse-moi l'ivresse
I belong,
I belong,
To you alone
I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you
When these pillars get pulled down,
It will be you who wears the crown,
And I'll owe everything to you
How much pain has quaked your soul?
How much love would make you whole?
You're my guiding lightning strike
I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you
And she attacks me like a Leo,
When my heart is split like Rio,
And I assure you my debts are real
I can't find the words to say,
When I'm confused,
I travelled half the world to say,
You are my muse
Ah! réponds, réponds à ma tendresse,
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse,
Réponds à ma tendresse,
Réponds à ma tendresse,
Ah, verse-moi l'ivresse,
Verse-moi, verse-moi l'ivresse
Réponds à ma tendresse!
Réponds à ma tendresse!
Ah! verse-moi l'ivresse
I belong,
I belong,
To you alone
I can't find the words to say,
They're overdue,
I've traveled half the world to say,
I belong to you
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Genuine Friends
Was telling a friend how an ex's mom and brothers sometimes still write me - after so many years - or comment on my pictures on facebook, or drop me a message to say hi. My friend said,"they genuinely care about people whom they loved."
That's very true. They treat me as an individual separate from my ex, so even though we are no longer together, they still care about me as a friend. They see me as who I am, not a part of someone - who "died" when the relationship ended.
This recent experience brought me closer to people who genuinely care about me. I didn't intentionally victimize myself. Just that given the circumstances of the painful breakup, my friends and brother knew how heartbreaking it was for me to bear. They knew I wouldn't be able to cope on my own - not this time - and would need their help to get over it. To those dear friends in Hong Kong, Toronto, Washington and Singapore who reached out to me - thank you for lifting me when I fell harder than ever. Your support means the whole world to me.
In fact, my parents don't know about it yet. I didn't tell my mom when I spoke to her last Sunday - I think I was on my way from airport to home so I didn't know what was about to happen. My dad probably wouldn't know what to say. My mom, who never forced me to do anything, would probably say,"oh, that's too bad. Suen la, if it is not working now, better know now than after you get married..."
That's very true. They treat me as an individual separate from my ex, so even though we are no longer together, they still care about me as a friend. They see me as who I am, not a part of someone - who "died" when the relationship ended.
This recent experience brought me closer to people who genuinely care about me. I didn't intentionally victimize myself. Just that given the circumstances of the painful breakup, my friends and brother knew how heartbreaking it was for me to bear. They knew I wouldn't be able to cope on my own - not this time - and would need their help to get over it. To those dear friends in Hong Kong, Toronto, Washington and Singapore who reached out to me - thank you for lifting me when I fell harder than ever. Your support means the whole world to me.
In fact, my parents don't know about it yet. I didn't tell my mom when I spoke to her last Sunday - I think I was on my way from airport to home so I didn't know what was about to happen. My dad probably wouldn't know what to say. My mom, who never forced me to do anything, would probably say,"oh, that's too bad. Suen la, if it is not working now, better know now than after you get married..."
More on Hypnosis
My bro read my blog and became very interested in hypnosis. Let me provide a bit more details.
No he didn't exactly make me forget anything I didn't want to remember. If anything, he made me acknowledge certain thoughts and facts which I subconsciously was very uptight about and couldn't let go. In fact, I just emailed Fred to ask him exactly what happened during the hypnosis and this is his explanation:
Before the session, I told him what had happened on Sunday morning that led to my traumatized state. He then asked me how and what I was feeling. I told him: I feel a great deal of pain. Part of the pain comes from feeling abandoned and that he just let go of our precious relationship like that; and part of the pain comes from knowing he is also suffering and feeling angry/ emotional/ confused and I can't help no matter how hard I try.
I believe the therapist, Fred, helped me let go of the latter part and a small portion of the former.
It's not easy, to let go of the former part, because it is a fact that he is no longer around and no longer willing to continue. I can't change that no matter how hard I try to remind him of the happy/silly times and the majority of times when we were super compatible. So I just have to stop trying and accept that he doesn't see things the same way, and he may never do again. It takes time to let go of someone so important to me, but time will heal.
I won't learn to hate him because that wouldn't help me and there's no reason to hate him. He has been a wonderful boyfriend otherwise, and the sweetest person I have dated. Everybody could see that. I had a great deal of happy times with him, and we supported each other through everything in the past 2 years. We gave each other's everyday life meaning and purpose. I can't pretend this never happened. On Sunday, I did stupidly think about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and wished I could go to the doctor and remove this entire part of the memory - 2 years of best and worst memories in my life. Of course now I know I have to live with this past, but continue my life in the future without clinging onto it.
No he didn't exactly make me forget anything I didn't want to remember. If anything, he made me acknowledge certain thoughts and facts which I subconsciously was very uptight about and couldn't let go. In fact, I just emailed Fred to ask him exactly what happened during the hypnosis and this is his explanation:
When you're in the hypnotic state you're in a state of deep concentration. You are in fact extremely focused and paying attention to the hypnotist's words while ignoring everything else going on around you. Throughout the hypnotic experience you are totally in control of yourself.It's at this point that the hypnotist introduces new, positive, life-affirming ideas to your subconsciousness. Those new ideas (as agreed upon in the pre-hypnosis interview) are absorbed by your subconscious mind and are acted upon,.. for example in your case, to release and to move quickly through the pain and sadness of your shock.
Before the session, I told him what had happened on Sunday morning that led to my traumatized state. He then asked me how and what I was feeling. I told him: I feel a great deal of pain. Part of the pain comes from feeling abandoned and that he just let go of our precious relationship like that; and part of the pain comes from knowing he is also suffering and feeling angry/ emotional/ confused and I can't help no matter how hard I try.
I believe the therapist, Fred, helped me let go of the latter part and a small portion of the former.
It's not easy, to let go of the former part, because it is a fact that he is no longer around and no longer willing to continue. I can't change that no matter how hard I try to remind him of the happy/silly times and the majority of times when we were super compatible. So I just have to stop trying and accept that he doesn't see things the same way, and he may never do again. It takes time to let go of someone so important to me, but time will heal.
I won't learn to hate him because that wouldn't help me and there's no reason to hate him. He has been a wonderful boyfriend otherwise, and the sweetest person I have dated. Everybody could see that. I had a great deal of happy times with him, and we supported each other through everything in the past 2 years. We gave each other's everyday life meaning and purpose. I can't pretend this never happened. On Sunday, I did stupidly think about the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and wished I could go to the doctor and remove this entire part of the memory - 2 years of best and worst memories in my life. Of course now I know I have to live with this past, but continue my life in the future without clinging onto it.
Food for Thought
It's literally food for thought. It's past midnight and I just came home from office. No I wasn't working, I just didn't want to come home without much to do at home, so I stayed in the office to upload my trip's pictures to facebook.
I have lost at least 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks, and my tightest pants are now loose. :( It's not that I don't want to eat, I don't know what to eat! We used to cook, eat out, or buy takeouts together almost every night, so now I don't know what to eat alone. I don't want to go to the usual places in Happy Valley as everybody would ask me where my boyfriend is. We were like two peas in a pod, whenever the locksmith saw him he'd ask about me, and vice versa.
Anyways, I still need to eat. Yes, while no longer traumatized, I do feel sad from time to time about him giving up on our sweet home and routine. Yet, it's more the reason I need to love myself more to compensate for the loss! I didn't know what to buy at Marketplace, so I just picked my favourites from 2 years ago:
I have lost at least 5 pounds in the past 2 weeks, and my tightest pants are now loose. :( It's not that I don't want to eat, I don't know what to eat! We used to cook, eat out, or buy takeouts together almost every night, so now I don't know what to eat alone. I don't want to go to the usual places in Happy Valley as everybody would ask me where my boyfriend is. We were like two peas in a pod, whenever the locksmith saw him he'd ask about me, and vice versa.
Anyways, I still need to eat. Yes, while no longer traumatized, I do feel sad from time to time about him giving up on our sweet home and routine. Yet, it's more the reason I need to love myself more to compensate for the loss! I didn't know what to buy at Marketplace, so I just picked my favourites from 2 years ago:
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A few thoughts
Today is one of those days I feel so drained I look forward to going straight to bed when I get home. Forget dinner or washing my face. In fact, it's been weeks since I did any night-time beauty routine.
The night we broke up was the same night my boss snapped at me after I had told him over the phone my assessment of the work situation. He snapped at me because he didn't want to know the reality of things, and yet I had burst the bubble. My ex saw me crying and feeling very hurt that my trusted boss refused to hear what he was afraid to know.
I don't know whether it was because of the proximity of this experience to my own relationship problem that led us to break up the same night.
Perhaps I was particularly emotional and stressed that night, but I still think our problem needed to be addressed sooner or later anyways - it was a solvable problem but an important one. Forgot who said this to me in the past few days: Compatibility is not about being exactly the same and wanting exactly the same things at the same time, it's about being able to compromise and complement each other's personality, needs and interests.
Everyone in a relationship knows that there is no perfect relationship. Two people in a relationship need to acknowledge their differences and compromise on matters, so that the needs and interests of both are met. There is an unspoken agreement to love and support each other, and to go through ups and downs together. And when the above conditions are not met, there is no good reason to be together anymore.
Everybody kept telling me how happy and sweet we were. How big a pity this was. Yes it is a pity to me too, because I too see the glass half full (well, 90% full). Yet in relationships, it's not about what one person sees, but whether they both see it the same way that makes or breaks the relationship.
I will remember this in the future. I need to stop hoping that I can inspire others to see something as positive if they don't. It's good to know when to back off.
The night we broke up was the same night my boss snapped at me after I had told him over the phone my assessment of the work situation. He snapped at me because he didn't want to know the reality of things, and yet I had burst the bubble. My ex saw me crying and feeling very hurt that my trusted boss refused to hear what he was afraid to know.
I don't know whether it was because of the proximity of this experience to my own relationship problem that led us to break up the same night.
Perhaps I was particularly emotional and stressed that night, but I still think our problem needed to be addressed sooner or later anyways - it was a solvable problem but an important one. Forgot who said this to me in the past few days: Compatibility is not about being exactly the same and wanting exactly the same things at the same time, it's about being able to compromise and complement each other's personality, needs and interests.
Everyone in a relationship knows that there is no perfect relationship. Two people in a relationship need to acknowledge their differences and compromise on matters, so that the needs and interests of both are met. There is an unspoken agreement to love and support each other, and to go through ups and downs together. And when the above conditions are not met, there is no good reason to be together anymore.
Everybody kept telling me how happy and sweet we were. How big a pity this was. Yes it is a pity to me too, because I too see the glass half full (well, 90% full). Yet in relationships, it's not about what one person sees, but whether they both see it the same way that makes or breaks the relationship.
I will remember this in the future. I need to stop hoping that I can inspire others to see something as positive if they don't. It's good to know when to back off.
Groceries from US - Americome
Yesterday when walking down Sing Woo Road, I decided to check out this US grocery shop with my friend. It was called Americome (try to pronounce it, sounds so......). I had noticed this shop a few months ago, but thought it was probably like these few other shops in Happy Valley which only had two little IKEA shelves of goods to sell in the store, or sold only mushrooms or something. To my surprise, this little mart has a good selection of drinks (I found my favourite Arizona Green Tea with Ginseng and Honey in can and gallon bottle), cereal (I found my favourite honey oats), brownie mix, cookies, personal care products and even candies (Nerds, Certs, etc etc.). In particular, if you are looking for certain American candies, this is the place to check out. I found different flavors of Certs mints (Certs "mints" aren't really mints), but not the original assorted fruit flavor that I wanted since it was only sold in Canada but not US.Americome
http://www.americome.com.hk/main.php
65A, Sing Woo Road,
Happy Valley, Hong Kong
Tel : (852) 2893-2626
Trading Hours: Monday to Sunday
10:30am - 9:00pm
Happy Valley, Hong Kong
Tel : (852) 2893-2626
Trading Hours: Monday to Sunday
10:30am - 9:00pm
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Self-Help Guide: Ways to Soothe a Broken Heart
I don't think there are ways to mend a broken heart. You can never mend it because it will always have a crack, like a broken glass. Yet, there has to be ways to soothe it and give it the attention that it needs. So, here's my list of things to do to help the process:
- Talk to friends. Talk to friends. Talk to friends. It's so important to know that you are not alone and abandoned in this world, and there's people who genuinely care about you. Also, through talking to friends who do not have a personal stake in the relationship (who don't benefit from your breakup), you get a different perspective on the matter.
- Talk to a professional if you are very troubled and depressed - whether a shrink, a counselor, a hypnotherapist. By talking to someone who has absolutely no involvement in your relationship ever, you have a totally unbiased and professional view of your situation, and you learn how to scientifically cope with your emotions and your loss.
- Spoil yourself a little to make yourself feel special. In my case, I decided to stay in a super nice guesthouse in Morocco, I bought an expensive and delicate necklace, I treated myself to a Moroccan spa.
- Make an effort to look good. Just because your mood sucks and your head feels like a complete mess doesn't mean you have to look like it. Pluck your brows, trim your hair, line your eyes, color your lips, get a manicure, wear your favourite sweater... (I didn't walk the talk today - I rushed to work without my watch, bracelet, earrings)
- Drink more fluids - especially warm water or warm herbal tea to calm yourself.
- Don't starve yourself. You may not have much appetite, but you still need to eat a little and avoid starving yourself. While you are broken hearted, your body becomes extra sensitive to discomfort (like a lump in your throat, trouble breathing, stuffy chest). When you are hungry and you stay hungry, you feel even more sad and alone.
- My therapist told me not to give up my normal daily routine and exercise routine. Exercise is good. If you do yoga, keep doing it. No matter how shit you feel and want to call in sick - don't. Don't allow yourself to sink into deep depression and start to escape from a normal life.
- Don't be afraid to cry your eyes out, whether alone or in front of close friends. Acknowledge that it is a painful process, but you are working on feeling better.
- Make plans with friends. Don't stay home and think about what could've been. Whatever happened happened, there's nothing you can do now to change it. Don't try to force anything now. Just let it be. If there's any positive changes in the future, it will happen in the future. Now, focus on the present, and allow your friends to care about you. Not those who trash your ex or your relationship and tell you what to do - but those who genuinely care about you and encourage you to do whatever you want that would make you happy.
- Start bringing your life mission and focus back to yourself. In seroius relationships, you were used to thinking for the greater benefit and happiness of the "team". Now you are on your own feet whether willingly or forced, so re-learn how to live your own life and do things for yourself. It's hard, but now you are an individual again, until you get into the next relationship. Start asking yourself, what you like, what makes you happy.
- Don't be angry - whether at yourself or at your ex or anyone else. Anger doesn't help with healing. If anything, it makes the wound hurt more. Accept what happened, and if you are in a position to turn things around, then try it. If you aren't in a position to turn things around, then don't force it. Be at peace with yourself, and acknowledge that people react to/ perceive matters differently. Someone may have hurt you, but holding a grudge doesn't make you a happy person.
- Avoid listening to sad songs. Yes you can relate to sad songs about heartbreak, anger, deceit, disappointment but that only encourages you to stay sad. Don't be obsessed with misery.
- Do something different which you've always wanted to do. Go to a new art gallery? Go to a park? Take a stroll somewhere you don't normally visit? Being in a different environment could give you new inspiration and make you see beauty in life which you haven't noticed before.
- Talk to friends. Talk to friends. Talk to friends. It's so important to know that you are not alone and abandoned in this world, and there's people who genuinely care about you. Also, through talking to friends who do not have a personal stake in the relationship (who don't benefit from your breakup), you get a different perspective on the matter.
- Talk to a professional if you are very troubled and depressed - whether a shrink, a counselor, a hypnotherapist. By talking to someone who has absolutely no involvement in your relationship ever, you have a totally unbiased and professional view of your situation, and you learn how to scientifically cope with your emotions and your loss.
- Spoil yourself a little to make yourself feel special. In my case, I decided to stay in a super nice guesthouse in Morocco, I bought an expensive and delicate necklace, I treated myself to a Moroccan spa.
- Make an effort to look good. Just because your mood sucks and your head feels like a complete mess doesn't mean you have to look like it. Pluck your brows, trim your hair, line your eyes, color your lips, get a manicure, wear your favourite sweater... (I didn't walk the talk today - I rushed to work without my watch, bracelet, earrings)
- Drink more fluids - especially warm water or warm herbal tea to calm yourself.
- Don't starve yourself. You may not have much appetite, but you still need to eat a little and avoid starving yourself. While you are broken hearted, your body becomes extra sensitive to discomfort (like a lump in your throat, trouble breathing, stuffy chest). When you are hungry and you stay hungry, you feel even more sad and alone.
- My therapist told me not to give up my normal daily routine and exercise routine. Exercise is good. If you do yoga, keep doing it. No matter how shit you feel and want to call in sick - don't. Don't allow yourself to sink into deep depression and start to escape from a normal life.
- Don't be afraid to cry your eyes out, whether alone or in front of close friends. Acknowledge that it is a painful process, but you are working on feeling better.
- Make plans with friends. Don't stay home and think about what could've been. Whatever happened happened, there's nothing you can do now to change it. Don't try to force anything now. Just let it be. If there's any positive changes in the future, it will happen in the future. Now, focus on the present, and allow your friends to care about you. Not those who trash your ex or your relationship and tell you what to do - but those who genuinely care about you and encourage you to do whatever you want that would make you happy.
- Start bringing your life mission and focus back to yourself. In seroius relationships, you were used to thinking for the greater benefit and happiness of the "team". Now you are on your own feet whether willingly or forced, so re-learn how to live your own life and do things for yourself. It's hard, but now you are an individual again, until you get into the next relationship. Start asking yourself, what you like, what makes you happy.
- Don't be angry - whether at yourself or at your ex or anyone else. Anger doesn't help with healing. If anything, it makes the wound hurt more. Accept what happened, and if you are in a position to turn things around, then try it. If you aren't in a position to turn things around, then don't force it. Be at peace with yourself, and acknowledge that people react to/ perceive matters differently. Someone may have hurt you, but holding a grudge doesn't make you a happy person.
- Avoid listening to sad songs. Yes you can relate to sad songs about heartbreak, anger, deceit, disappointment but that only encourages you to stay sad. Don't be obsessed with misery.
- Do something different which you've always wanted to do. Go to a new art gallery? Go to a park? Take a stroll somewhere you don't normally visit? Being in a different environment could give you new inspiration and make you see beauty in life which you haven't noticed before.
Dawn
Beautiful sky during dawn as I was flying from Paris to Hong Kong. This was probably somewhere in China as it was only 1 hour away from Hong Kong.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Hypnotherapy
Today I went for a hypnotherapy/ counseling session with Fred Stander to help alleviate my pain. Fred is an experienced holistic therapist specializing in hypnosis and spiritual healing. I have had 3 sessions with him in the past to deal with different issues, and each time I left the session feeling much better, knowing something more about myself, and gaining new realization and perspective.
I briefly told him what had happened to me yesterday morning (details I won't reveal out of respect for the other person involved), and he said,"I'm sorry to hear that. You are traumatized." I've always known when I was traumatized, feeling like a victim of a hit-and-run, yet no one ever looked at me and told me I was traumatized. I wonder if I looked traumatized - if there is such a look. Anyways, he warned me that this time would be more difficult than the past, because the nature of the relationship was so much more intense and serious, and the trauma so much more dramatic. He told me to expect he could help alleviate 50% of the pain, and the rest I would still need to sort out myself.
Without going too deep into the background of the matter, he did an exercise with me to visualize whatever emotion I was feeling as an object, and asked me to "feel" it in my mind. The next step was to agree to let go of it right then and there. I had done this exercise with him before, so I was familiar with the process and how it really worked wonders. But this time was different - after repeating the exercise a few times he did a full hypnosis on me. He instructed me to relax each body part one by one, and gradually his voice became smaller and smaller until I felt like I was in such deep sleep except I could still hear him talking to me, then I came back to my senses when he asked me to come back to the present. It was amazing, that was my first hypnosis. I don't know how that worked, but somehow it helped me let go of that "physical" pain I was feeling as a result of my emotional pain.
We did another exercise afterwards, visualizing the scene where I had just arrived home from my trip yesterday. I was to feel the emotions in that scene, pause it, see myself in that scene from a distance like a third person, see the scene turn into black and white, then blurry, then see it from a greater and greater distance like I was floating into the galaxy looking down at the blurry scene outside my home. Then, turn it off.
We didn't spend too much time talking in this session, unlike in past sessions. It was really to focus on fixing me, instead of trying to understand or fix the relationship. Yet, it was very inspiring. I accepted that it was beyond my ability to change things, that I needed to accept that we ceased to be on the same team and thus I had to move on as well without feeling overly painful for what he was going through at his end. Ultimately, we started off as two individuals, two strangers, who came together and fell in love. Now we are back to two individuals.
Fred remembers him as a sweet guy who was sincere about resolving issues with me. I remember too. And now, I need to stop projecting the past into the future.
He reminded me to keep talking to friends, keep a balanced diet, not to binge on carbs or sugar, drink plenty of water to flush out the toxins, keep my routine no matter how drained I felt and exercise.
I'm feeling half better. As for the remaining half, I will need to count on myself.
I briefly told him what had happened to me yesterday morning (details I won't reveal out of respect for the other person involved), and he said,"I'm sorry to hear that. You are traumatized." I've always known when I was traumatized, feeling like a victim of a hit-and-run, yet no one ever looked at me and told me I was traumatized. I wonder if I looked traumatized - if there is such a look. Anyways, he warned me that this time would be more difficult than the past, because the nature of the relationship was so much more intense and serious, and the trauma so much more dramatic. He told me to expect he could help alleviate 50% of the pain, and the rest I would still need to sort out myself.
Without going too deep into the background of the matter, he did an exercise with me to visualize whatever emotion I was feeling as an object, and asked me to "feel" it in my mind. The next step was to agree to let go of it right then and there. I had done this exercise with him before, so I was familiar with the process and how it really worked wonders. But this time was different - after repeating the exercise a few times he did a full hypnosis on me. He instructed me to relax each body part one by one, and gradually his voice became smaller and smaller until I felt like I was in such deep sleep except I could still hear him talking to me, then I came back to my senses when he asked me to come back to the present. It was amazing, that was my first hypnosis. I don't know how that worked, but somehow it helped me let go of that "physical" pain I was feeling as a result of my emotional pain.
We did another exercise afterwards, visualizing the scene where I had just arrived home from my trip yesterday. I was to feel the emotions in that scene, pause it, see myself in that scene from a distance like a third person, see the scene turn into black and white, then blurry, then see it from a greater and greater distance like I was floating into the galaxy looking down at the blurry scene outside my home. Then, turn it off.
We didn't spend too much time talking in this session, unlike in past sessions. It was really to focus on fixing me, instead of trying to understand or fix the relationship. Yet, it was very inspiring. I accepted that it was beyond my ability to change things, that I needed to accept that we ceased to be on the same team and thus I had to move on as well without feeling overly painful for what he was going through at his end. Ultimately, we started off as two individuals, two strangers, who came together and fell in love. Now we are back to two individuals.
Fred remembers him as a sweet guy who was sincere about resolving issues with me. I remember too. And now, I need to stop projecting the past into the future.
He reminded me to keep talking to friends, keep a balanced diet, not to binge on carbs or sugar, drink plenty of water to flush out the toxins, keep my routine no matter how drained I felt and exercise.
I'm feeling half better. As for the remaining half, I will need to count on myself.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Flying - Hiccups
I had little problems with jetlag during my trip despite 12-hour difference in Argentina, 8-hour difference in Morocco. Today, back home in Hong Kong, I am struggling to stay awake during the day, and now struggling to fall asleep without nightmares. Talking about time difference, I didn't realize Paris - my city of transit - was 2 hours ahead of Morocco instead of 1, and I leisurely walked around looking for the right gate and terminal until I realized I was only 15 minutes away from flight time.
I have been writing more on my blog than before - in the past I used to tell him everything that happened to me, whether it was something stupid, silly, happy, upsetting. Life is not the same when you are a person so eager to express and share but with no one beside you to share with. It's like your best best friend has moved to North Pole and you can't call him/her up anytime. I wonder how people there communicate with the outside world...
I rarely talk to people on the plane - you don't really expect to make any friendships when you fly like 11 times in 3 weeks. When I get on the plane, the following is my list of activities:
1. Look for space in overhead compartment to put my luggage.
2. Identify nearest bathroom and exit - yes, considering I fly so much the chances of me having a plane accident is significantly higher than the average person. Those who are aware of emergency exits and safety measures on the plane have a higher likelihood of surviving a plane accident.
3. Take off my shoes, turn off my phone.
4. Sleep - I typically fall asleep before the plane takes off, and stay asleep for at least an hour.
These trips really wore me out. Sounds like a brat, but I really feel I have traveled enough for my lifetime - and any new destinations would be a bonus which I would really leave for a later time. I still enjoy exploring new cities and cultures, only that I realized I have seen more of the world than the average person, and I should acknowledge such opportunities. Now, I am just so sick of flying, I want nothing but stability for a while.
Oh, when I went through security (?) in Marrakesh airport, I was stopped by the officer who asked me how much money I had. I was taken by surprise, and I told him "250 dirhams" (equivalent to 250 HKD). He asked me,"What about dollars? American dollars?" I said,"What dollars? I have no dollars. I said 250 dirhams. Why do you need to know? You want my money?" He repeated,"Dollars. How much do you have! You have Canadian passport, you must have dollars!" At that point he was demanding for a different answer, and started searching my bags!! He said I needed to declare if I had more than 100,000 dirhams. More travelers (American) arrived and were standing behind me wondering what was happening and I told them. The man was still searching my bags and giving me a hard time, so I said,"What exactly do you want? What makes you think I have 100,000 dirhams or dollars with me? I may hold a Canadian passport but I don't live in Canada! I am just going home now! Do you want me to give you money or what?" Finally, after finding no money in my bags and with all the people watching, he let me go. I was so pissed. Sometimes you have to deal with this when traveling alone - and worse when you are wear glasses looking ugly.
I have been writing more on my blog than before - in the past I used to tell him everything that happened to me, whether it was something stupid, silly, happy, upsetting. Life is not the same when you are a person so eager to express and share but with no one beside you to share with. It's like your best best friend has moved to North Pole and you can't call him/her up anytime. I wonder how people there communicate with the outside world...
I rarely talk to people on the plane - you don't really expect to make any friendships when you fly like 11 times in 3 weeks. When I get on the plane, the following is my list of activities:
1. Look for space in overhead compartment to put my luggage.
2. Identify nearest bathroom and exit - yes, considering I fly so much the chances of me having a plane accident is significantly higher than the average person. Those who are aware of emergency exits and safety measures on the plane have a higher likelihood of surviving a plane accident.
3. Take off my shoes, turn off my phone.
4. Sleep - I typically fall asleep before the plane takes off, and stay asleep for at least an hour.
These trips really wore me out. Sounds like a brat, but I really feel I have traveled enough for my lifetime - and any new destinations would be a bonus which I would really leave for a later time. I still enjoy exploring new cities and cultures, only that I realized I have seen more of the world than the average person, and I should acknowledge such opportunities. Now, I am just so sick of flying, I want nothing but stability for a while.
Oh, when I went through security (?) in Marrakesh airport, I was stopped by the officer who asked me how much money I had. I was taken by surprise, and I told him "250 dirhams" (equivalent to 250 HKD). He asked me,"What about dollars? American dollars?" I said,"What dollars? I have no dollars. I said 250 dirhams. Why do you need to know? You want my money?" He repeated,"Dollars. How much do you have! You have Canadian passport, you must have dollars!" At that point he was demanding for a different answer, and started searching my bags!! He said I needed to declare if I had more than 100,000 dirhams. More travelers (American) arrived and were standing behind me wondering what was happening and I told them. The man was still searching my bags and giving me a hard time, so I said,"What exactly do you want? What makes you think I have 100,000 dirhams or dollars with me? I may hold a Canadian passport but I don't live in Canada! I am just going home now! Do you want me to give you money or what?" Finally, after finding no money in my bags and with all the people watching, he let me go. I was so pissed. Sometimes you have to deal with this when traveling alone - and worse when you are wear glasses looking ugly.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Marrakech - Adventure (Day 3)
2:25am here and I have to pack my bags for my 3 flights tomorrow back home. Uploading a few of many pictures from today, but since internet connection from my room is slow, I've compressed the files to the smallest possible for faster upload. Am sure you wouldn't mind.
Began my day having breakfast at the rooftop terrace of my riad. Was super lovely, and was accompanied by a kitty sitting under the stool staring at my pink leather shoes from Marrakech market (about HKD 100 after bargaining).
After some souvenir and major accessory-shopping, I headed to the super colorful Jardin Majorelle (botanical garden) owned by Yves Saint Laurent. I can't wait to see the Ektar 100 roll developed - by the way the friggin camera died again today (film wouldn't advance), thank god it was the last day of my trip.
I headed back to my riad and bumped into the owner of the natural-medicine "pharmacy" across the alley. He had asked me to go back for mint tea (a gesture of friendliness if offered by someone genuine, otherwise a gesture of "come let me scam you") before, so when his sharp eyes noticed me quickly walking past his shop, he asked me again. So I did join him for mint tea, and enjoyed his friendly company. He explained the uses of the different herbs, incense, coloring (well coloring was for... color), spices, stones in their traditional medicine, and told me that in Moroccan homes they would burn some type of special herbs to drive away evil spirit and bring peace (no arguments) to the family. (I should have visited earlier before my breakup. Anyways...) We also talked about modern medicine and how doctors relied on technology versus traditional Moroccan doctors who diagnosed based on experience and instinct. The owner (a fatherly figure) asked me if I was married and when I said I was single he hugged me, kissed me, and said I should be his wife or something. I didn't know whether to feel like a little girl being mocked, or a woman being flirted with. With these supposedly "friendly" cultures, I can never tell. Anyways, not only did he not scam me, he gave me free perfume and crystal and all that! The whole time we were having the hour-long chat, he spoke 70% broken English and 30% French; I spoke 90% English and 10% French. We understood each other, that's what matters... (Still, I cannot understand why my French is so terrible after 5 years of schooling in high school!!!)
As I was walking to the main square again, Jemaa el Fna, I got distracted by little shops again - ended up getting like 10 packs of black soap paste, 4 Moroccan body scrub mitten which looked like men's briefs (all those mittens look like that), and about HKD80 worth of 2 necklaces + 2 bracelets + 2 tassle key chains. When I finally arrived at the square, I sat down for a pot of mint tea and a plateful of local sweet pastries - I had just a tiny bite of each pastry (because it either had peanuts in it, or some kind of bean paste, or I had no idea what was in it, or it was some other strange tasting sweets).
After my close-to-nothing lunch (just bites of those tiny pastries), I did a horse-carriage (caleche) tour of around the city walls. There were two horses pulling my carriage - I asked the guy in French if they had names and he said not yet. I have a habit of making up names for animals I see on the street, but I decided that the man wouldn't find it too amusing. Anyways, the two horses kept looking to the left wherever they went, and every now and then they would rub their heads against each other - I wasn't quite sure if they were fighting or flirting but you'll see a picture of that in the slideshow. The ride was awesome as I picked just before sunset to do the ride, and instructed the man to go against the direction of the sun because otherwise the pictures would be "trop noires"! The sunset made the pink city walls even more vibrant in color. In one of the pictures, which I doubt you can see clearly in slideshow, you can actually see the Atlas snow mountain as backdrop.
I finished the ride back at the square, where I took some final pictures of the night market chaos, with the moon in view. There's really not much to focus with the camera, as the whole square was just chaos!! There were people everywhere, sometimes you see some weird dude in red traditional costume who doesn't really do much but let people take pictures (with a fee!) - I think they do sing in some kinda trance like form though. Other times you see men with chained monkies walking around - it was very cruel. Although I did witness this incident where the monkey saw a large dog and suddenly got so excited he/she did a backflip 3 feet mid-air. My jaw dropped and I started laughing. What I found most amusing though was large circles of men surrounding some local story teller. Of course I had no idea what the story was about, as it was all in Arabic, but whatever it was the men were all captivated by it. You will also see a picture of the square where there is a black "shadow" in the front - it was a local man wearing a very typical long black cloak which I found extremely amusing reminding me of Harry Potter type of witch cloaks.
Anyways, I must pack now, enjoy the pictures.
Began my day having breakfast at the rooftop terrace of my riad. Was super lovely, and was accompanied by a kitty sitting under the stool staring at my pink leather shoes from Marrakech market (about HKD 100 after bargaining).
After some souvenir and major accessory-shopping, I headed to the super colorful Jardin Majorelle (botanical garden) owned by Yves Saint Laurent. I can't wait to see the Ektar 100 roll developed - by the way the friggin camera died again today (film wouldn't advance), thank god it was the last day of my trip.
I headed back to my riad and bumped into the owner of the natural-medicine "pharmacy" across the alley. He had asked me to go back for mint tea (a gesture of friendliness if offered by someone genuine, otherwise a gesture of "come let me scam you") before, so when his sharp eyes noticed me quickly walking past his shop, he asked me again. So I did join him for mint tea, and enjoyed his friendly company. He explained the uses of the different herbs, incense, coloring (well coloring was for... color), spices, stones in their traditional medicine, and told me that in Moroccan homes they would burn some type of special herbs to drive away evil spirit and bring peace (no arguments) to the family. (I should have visited earlier before my breakup. Anyways...) We also talked about modern medicine and how doctors relied on technology versus traditional Moroccan doctors who diagnosed based on experience and instinct. The owner (a fatherly figure) asked me if I was married and when I said I was single he hugged me, kissed me, and said I should be his wife or something. I didn't know whether to feel like a little girl being mocked, or a woman being flirted with. With these supposedly "friendly" cultures, I can never tell. Anyways, not only did he not scam me, he gave me free perfume and crystal and all that! The whole time we were having the hour-long chat, he spoke 70% broken English and 30% French; I spoke 90% English and 10% French. We understood each other, that's what matters... (Still, I cannot understand why my French is so terrible after 5 years of schooling in high school!!!)
As I was walking to the main square again, Jemaa el Fna, I got distracted by little shops again - ended up getting like 10 packs of black soap paste, 4 Moroccan body scrub mitten which looked like men's briefs (all those mittens look like that), and about HKD80 worth of 2 necklaces + 2 bracelets + 2 tassle key chains. When I finally arrived at the square, I sat down for a pot of mint tea and a plateful of local sweet pastries - I had just a tiny bite of each pastry (because it either had peanuts in it, or some kind of bean paste, or I had no idea what was in it, or it was some other strange tasting sweets).
After my close-to-nothing lunch (just bites of those tiny pastries), I did a horse-carriage (caleche) tour of around the city walls. There were two horses pulling my carriage - I asked the guy in French if they had names and he said not yet. I have a habit of making up names for animals I see on the street, but I decided that the man wouldn't find it too amusing. Anyways, the two horses kept looking to the left wherever they went, and every now and then they would rub their heads against each other - I wasn't quite sure if they were fighting or flirting but you'll see a picture of that in the slideshow. The ride was awesome as I picked just before sunset to do the ride, and instructed the man to go against the direction of the sun because otherwise the pictures would be "trop noires"! The sunset made the pink city walls even more vibrant in color. In one of the pictures, which I doubt you can see clearly in slideshow, you can actually see the Atlas snow mountain as backdrop.
I finished the ride back at the square, where I took some final pictures of the night market chaos, with the moon in view. There's really not much to focus with the camera, as the whole square was just chaos!! There were people everywhere, sometimes you see some weird dude in red traditional costume who doesn't really do much but let people take pictures (with a fee!) - I think they do sing in some kinda trance like form though. Other times you see men with chained monkies walking around - it was very cruel. Although I did witness this incident where the monkey saw a large dog and suddenly got so excited he/she did a backflip 3 feet mid-air. My jaw dropped and I started laughing. What I found most amusing though was large circles of men surrounding some local story teller. Of course I had no idea what the story was about, as it was all in Arabic, but whatever it was the men were all captivated by it. You will also see a picture of the square where there is a black "shadow" in the front - it was a local man wearing a very typical long black cloak which I found extremely amusing reminding me of Harry Potter type of witch cloaks.
Anyways, I must pack now, enjoy the pictures.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Marrakech - Strange Adventure (Day 2)
Today was more of a shopping than sight-seeing itinerary. After listening to a deeply emotional song, I really felt like taking it easy for the day.
I started my adventure today trying to walk to the main square, Jemaa El Fna. This is the most popular site in Marrakech. During the day, there are street vendors selling orange juice and dried fruits, henna-painting women and fortune tellers. Approaching sunset and evening, this square becomes filled up with outdoor food stalls (serving hot dishes), story-tellers, magicians, snake-charmers, transvestite dancers, and African street musicians. It is a chaotic place, yet it is unique because it is as much a local Moroccan hangout as it is a tourist attraction, and it is exactly the sort of scene in Arabic tales. Tourists are wildly fascinated by this place, but I have to admit that I felt very scared walking in the square, being Chinese + single + female + with a huge DSLR camera + one extra film camera + young-looking (to them at least). Everything about me screams ATTENTION, while everything going on in the square is so surreal (come on, snake charmers!!) and all vendors always try to get your attention (and your money). I walk around the city trying my best to avoid any eye contact, and ignoring anyone who try to get my attention ("konichiwa?" "speak English?" "are you from England?" "Japan?" "hey lady please see this"), unless they start to sound angry/ offended/ aggressive - that is when I politely say in French "non merci" (no, thank you), "pas japonaise" (not Japanese) and keep walking fast. I didn't take too many pictures, because the whole atmostphere was so intimidating, and I really wanted to avoid attention as much as I could. Here's a few pictures taken during the day and in early evening:
Think he was a fortune teller telling this other man's fortune... He lowered the parasol when he saw me trying to take pictures...
Jemaa El Fna during the day:
During the early evening:
Food stalls
In between my early afternoon and early evening visits to the square, I spent a few hours at the tourist-popular and super chic (Bali-Seminyak type of chic... think Ku De Ta but more chilled) cafe restaurant called Terrace des Epices. I was there initially to buy some expensive necklaces at Stephanie's Jewels right below the terrace cafe, but the man who worked at the sister restaurant, Cafe des Epices, walked me to Terrace des Epices, so I decided to have a cup of espresso and a light lunch there. It was super charming terrace cafe in the middle of some busy souks, but it was so relaxed there you could sit there for hours and think you are far away from the city. I also stayed there for much longer than I had planned because one of the owners came over and kept me company, later joined by 2 other friends of his. I rarely talked to complete strangers like that for hours, but they seemed to be genuinely friendly and cool. The owner of the restaurants was a young man about my age (or perhaps even younger). Was really lovely chilling in such a charming cafe and having a great time talking to some interesting people on various topics. A few pictures of Terrace des Epices and views from this beautiful rooftop terrace:
I also spent my day walking inside the old medina, in and out of different souks (in fact they are all mixed together, there's not really any "in" or "out" at all and I never really knew where I was) trying to haggle but not too successful - either my prices were too low and the sellers were pissed off (they refused to even negotiate and just let me leave) or the haggling process was too quick which probably meant my counter offer was not low enough. I also learned to tell sellers that I was from China - China gave them the impression I was poorer (than if I had said Hong Kong) and I'd be in a better position to negotiate lower prices. In fact, one show seller said,"I know you are not from Japan and do not have as much money in China. I will give you a better price..." Em... Sure!!
In Marrakech, there is also plenty of pharmacies selling herbal and "natural" medicines. By natural, that includes herbs, spices as well as incense, amber and other crystal like stones used for medical reasons. This is a culture which really believes in the magical healing power of different natural ingredients. Many alleys are lined with pharmacies, each with jars stacked on huge shelves, containing some unknown but colorful medical ingredients.
I've also walked past stores with zebra skin hanging down the ceiling... That really freaked me out. I felt so sick I didn't even bother taking pictures of them.
Anyways, enjoy my pictures taken during the day:
I started my adventure today trying to walk to the main square, Jemaa El Fna. This is the most popular site in Marrakech. During the day, there are street vendors selling orange juice and dried fruits, henna-painting women and fortune tellers. Approaching sunset and evening, this square becomes filled up with outdoor food stalls (serving hot dishes), story-tellers, magicians, snake-charmers, transvestite dancers, and African street musicians. It is a chaotic place, yet it is unique because it is as much a local Moroccan hangout as it is a tourist attraction, and it is exactly the sort of scene in Arabic tales. Tourists are wildly fascinated by this place, but I have to admit that I felt very scared walking in the square, being Chinese + single + female + with a huge DSLR camera + one extra film camera + young-looking (to them at least). Everything about me screams ATTENTION, while everything going on in the square is so surreal (come on, snake charmers!!) and all vendors always try to get your attention (and your money). I walk around the city trying my best to avoid any eye contact, and ignoring anyone who try to get my attention ("konichiwa?" "speak English?" "are you from England?" "Japan?" "hey lady please see this"), unless they start to sound angry/ offended/ aggressive - that is when I politely say in French "non merci" (no, thank you), "pas japonaise" (not Japanese) and keep walking fast. I didn't take too many pictures, because the whole atmostphere was so intimidating, and I really wanted to avoid attention as much as I could. Here's a few pictures taken during the day and in early evening:
Think he was a fortune teller telling this other man's fortune... He lowered the parasol when he saw me trying to take pictures...
Dried fruit stalls selling dates, apricots, nuts, etc. One stall owner insisted on giving me an apricot to try - I did and had very bad stomach pain from late afternoon till 10pm when I finally could eat again.
Notice the passerby dressed in the cloak? It's a very traditional Moroccan "cloak" with a pointy hood, and it totally reminds me Harry Potter type of magician cloak.
Jemaa El Fna during the day:
Food stalls
Local men gathering around some transvestite dancing-boys (far left, the men with pony tail and colorful dresses).
In between my early afternoon and early evening visits to the square, I spent a few hours at the tourist-popular and super chic (Bali-Seminyak type of chic... think Ku De Ta but more chilled) cafe restaurant called Terrace des Epices. I was there initially to buy some expensive necklaces at Stephanie's Jewels right below the terrace cafe, but the man who worked at the sister restaurant, Cafe des Epices, walked me to Terrace des Epices, so I decided to have a cup of espresso and a light lunch there. It was super charming terrace cafe in the middle of some busy souks, but it was so relaxed there you could sit there for hours and think you are far away from the city. I also stayed there for much longer than I had planned because one of the owners came over and kept me company, later joined by 2 other friends of his. I rarely talked to complete strangers like that for hours, but they seemed to be genuinely friendly and cool. The owner of the restaurants was a young man about my age (or perhaps even younger). Was really lovely chilling in such a charming cafe and having a great time talking to some interesting people on various topics. A few pictures of Terrace des Epices and views from this beautiful rooftop terrace:
Notice the snow mountains far away in the background. Yes, Morocco is not just desert, the climate and landscape varies greatly across the country.
I also spent my day walking inside the old medina, in and out of different souks (in fact they are all mixed together, there's not really any "in" or "out" at all and I never really knew where I was) trying to haggle but not too successful - either my prices were too low and the sellers were pissed off (they refused to even negotiate and just let me leave) or the haggling process was too quick which probably meant my counter offer was not low enough. I also learned to tell sellers that I was from China - China gave them the impression I was poorer (than if I had said Hong Kong) and I'd be in a better position to negotiate lower prices. In fact, one show seller said,"I know you are not from Japan and do not have as much money in China. I will give you a better price..." Em... Sure!!
In Marrakech, there is also plenty of pharmacies selling herbal and "natural" medicines. By natural, that includes herbs, spices as well as incense, amber and other crystal like stones used for medical reasons. This is a culture which really believes in the magical healing power of different natural ingredients. Many alleys are lined with pharmacies, each with jars stacked on huge shelves, containing some unknown but colorful medical ingredients.
I've also walked past stores with zebra skin hanging down the ceiling... That really freaked me out. I felt so sick I didn't even bother taking pictures of them.
Anyways, enjoy my pictures taken during the day:
Marrakech - Hammam (Moroccan Bathing Experience)
Hammam is Moroccan bath, typically includes the beauty ritual of:
- pouring buckets of very hot water over you from head to toe
- cleaning and moisturizing your body with black soap (looks like a brown paste in a huge bowl)
- scrubbing you down from head to toe with a very rough mitten and pumice stone
- pouring buckets of very hot water to rinse you off
- washing your hair with some herbal shampoo and conditioning it with huge amounts of herbal conditioning paste
- applying mossy green body mud all over your body
- rinsing off with more very hot water
- then you are good to dip into very cold water bath before finishing with another splash of very hot water
Sounds like torture but it was a really nice experience - like a nanny bathing you when you were a few years old, scrubbing you hard from head to toe. My skin had never felt so clean after the ritual. When the lady scrubbed my face hard, I wanted so bad to ask her to be gentle, but I forgot if "gentile" was the right word, so I let her do her thing - and was pleasantly surprised how my delicate skin reacted well to the scrub!
All this took place in the hammam - which was a cave-like steam room especially for bathing and such rituals. Typically you have to be completely naked, but since I had this inside my riad, I was allowed to wear bikini bottom. I loved the experience so much and thought modern spa was nothing compared to this. It was a different kind of pampering experience - in a rough way perhaps.
- pouring buckets of very hot water over you from head to toe
- cleaning and moisturizing your body with black soap (looks like a brown paste in a huge bowl)
- scrubbing you down from head to toe with a very rough mitten and pumice stone
- pouring buckets of very hot water to rinse you off
- washing your hair with some herbal shampoo and conditioning it with huge amounts of herbal conditioning paste
- applying mossy green body mud all over your body
- rinsing off with more very hot water
- then you are good to dip into very cold water bath before finishing with another splash of very hot water
Sounds like torture but it was a really nice experience - like a nanny bathing you when you were a few years old, scrubbing you hard from head to toe. My skin had never felt so clean after the ritual. When the lady scrubbed my face hard, I wanted so bad to ask her to be gentle, but I forgot if "gentile" was the right word, so I let her do her thing - and was pleasantly surprised how my delicate skin reacted well to the scrub!
All this took place in the hammam - which was a cave-like steam room especially for bathing and such rituals. Typically you have to be completely naked, but since I had this inside my riad, I was allowed to wear bikini bottom. I loved the experience so much and thought modern spa was nothing compared to this. It was a different kind of pampering experience - in a rough way perhaps.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Rachael Yamagata - Horizon
A deeply emotional song. I was taking a bath in Morocco listening to songs and came across this one. Made my heart so sore.
The last time I lay my eyes upon you
You were blowing kisses and I was waiting in a car
Something had died, yet everything around kept turning
Don’t even know now where you are
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail
Someday i hope to find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world yet nothing is clear
The last time I held you it was head to heart
The curtain was drawn, I left you sleeping so sound
If I had known forever after we would stay apart
I would have whispered all the things I can’t tell you now
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail no avail
Someday I hope I can find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world
I don’t believe in you
Like I so wanted to
I hope you’re asking heavens above
To forgive all the damage you’ve done
And if I did teach you anything at all
I hope that you learned how to love
But I doubt if I’ll ever talk to you after now
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail, no avail
Someday I hope we can find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world, nothing is clear
No no no
Nothing is clear to me now at all
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear to me now at all
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear to me
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear…
You were blowing kisses and I was waiting in a car
Something had died, yet everything around kept turning
Don’t even know now where you are
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail
Someday i hope to find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world yet nothing is clear
The last time I held you it was head to heart
The curtain was drawn, I left you sleeping so sound
If I had known forever after we would stay apart
I would have whispered all the things I can’t tell you now
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail no avail
Someday I hope I can find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world
I don’t believe in you
Like I so wanted to
I hope you’re asking heavens above
To forgive all the damage you’ve done
And if I did teach you anything at all
I hope that you learned how to love
But I doubt if I’ll ever talk to you after now
Somewhere along the line we lost our horizon
I’ve been looking round, up and down to no avail, no avail
Someday I hope we can find the horizon
I’ve been all around the world, nothing is clear
No no no
Nothing is clear to me now at all
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear to me now at all
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear to me
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear
Nothing is clear…
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