Marrakech - Strange Adventure (Day 1)

I decided to take it easy today, being my first day in Marrakech, to just leisure walk around and allow myself to be lost among the numerous pink-colored winding alleys. Every alley looked the same to me, and all tourists lose their direction in Marrakech.


I really had little idea where I was today, except that I went to Cafe Des Epices for lunch (but I decided to spoil myself and have honey crepes and espresso instead of a proper meal), then completely lost direction walking around souks (markets) and ended up in Ben Youssef Mosque - supposedly a beautiful mosque but having been to Cordoba to see huge ones I wasn't particularly fascinated by this small-scale one.


I carried both my DSLR and Lomo LCA+ but used LCA+ more as locals here either feel offended by tourists who take their pictures without asking or they totally welcome it - asking you for money (a lot) for taking their pictures. So I figured using a plastic camera would draw less attention.


As with all my other travel experience, I had this funny encounter today. Marrakech is Morocco's most touristy city, and it is known for a lot of scams. I've heard very funny stories, like an Austrian client of mine drove across the desert with her husband one time and there was this man who was standing in the desert with the hood of his car open. He spoke in Arabic language so my client didn't understand him (most Moroccans speak some French though), but he gave my client this piece of paper written in Arabic language, and asked her to give to someone in the direction she was going. She thought it was probably a scam so she left with her husband and continued driving. When she got to the next town, she showed this piece of paper to a local, and the local said,"ah this says that the guy's car is broken, and he has his home address written on this paper." My client felt very bad thinking that the poor guy needed help, so she went to the address written on the paper trying to tell the guy's family. Turned out, when she arrived there with her husband, it was a carpet shop - the family invited them in and tried to persuade them to buy carpet!!


So, knowing that this city is full of scam, I was very cautious. In fact, today a young man led me to the cafe because I asked for directions (supposedly Moroccans are very friendly and willing to help with directions), and asked me to give him money when we arrived. But this was not my strange encounter. My strange encounter happened when I was at the Ben Youssef Mosque and this Moroccan guy (name was "Said" - pronounced "Sigh-Yeed" just like the guy in Lost) who was one of the official (registered) tour guides in Marrakech started talking to me. He seemed pretty decent, especially when I saw that he had the exact same phone as I did (Nokia E71) only in different color. I asked him directions to go to this very nice jewelry shop (Stephanie's Jewelry, recommended by Gwneth Paltrow, which was so damn expensive, charging French prices in Morocco) - in Marrakech because the medina is made up of hundreds of winding alleys/ streets it is almost impossible to find any place just by looking at the address. He said it was close to his home and said he'd take me there, and reassured me he wouldn't scam me. Well, indeed not only did he not ask me for money, he had to pay out of pocket to use the pay phone to call the shop since his mobile phone operator was a different one or something. I offered to pay him (20 Marrakech Dirhams, equivalent to 20 HKD) for helping me, but he declined. Being an "experienced" single female traveler, I sort of knew there had to be some other reason other than kindness for helping me - here's our conversation:


Moroccan guy: So are you married?

Me: Yeah (when traveling alone, always say yes and pretend your husband is waiting for you in hotel)

Moroccan guy: Really?

Me: Yeah!

Moroccan guy: Children?

Me: No.

Moroccan guy: Can you have other relations (relationships)?

Me: Of course not!

Moroccan guy: Cannot have long or short relations?

Me: Cannot. (At this point I had to look away to giggle. I almost burst out laughing.)

Moroccan guy: Oh... too bad...

Men in all countries are all the same afterall.

Marrakech: Riad El Fenn (Paradise to Heal a Sore Heart)

I arrived at Marrakech this morning feeling like a mess, but as I stepped foot in this riad (Moroccan traditional residence typically has a huge courtyard in the center), I smiled to myself and felt that this was the exact paradise I needed to heal myself in.

Riad El Fenn is opened by Vanessa Branson (Richard Branson's sister).  It is among the most beautiful riads in Marrakech - luxurious yet romantic, traditional, and very cozy.  It is a very intimate riad, and is beautiful like paradise.  There is a strong Moroccan influence but with a slight modern chic to it.  There's beautiful trees, plants, flowers everywhere - oh there's dozens of roses in a bucket in my own room!  What makes it even more special is the number of hidden spots everywhere in this riad, with beautiful couches and cushions, colorful chairs, candles... for guests to chill quietly.  If you look at the second slideshow below, the last two pictures taken at night with some beautiful shadows of lampshade on the ceiling are taken exactly where I am now using my laptop sitting on a huge couch sipping mint tea.

I am staying in Room 1 (one of the 2 slideshows below with a pink wall and turquoise blue bathtub).  I had slept very little (3 hours) before arriving at Marrakech, and when after I stepped foot into my room, I immediately fell in love with it and took an hour long bath.

It is amazing how a room could make one feel special and beautiful!

Each room in this riad has a different theme to it.  Enjoy the slideshow.  One day, when I get married, I would love to have a very small celebration and my honeymoon in this riad.  This is how special it is.

Hassan II Mosque - Dangerous Encounter

I broke down crying in Casablanca, when I learned that he would rather suffer alone than hold my hand and go through life's ups and downs together.  I cried because it pained me to know he was suffering yet he still failed to see how our relationship really didn't have to end in breakup, ever, if we stopped running away from difficulties in our separate ways.  Why can't he have more faith in himself, more faith in me, in us?
Casablanca started pouring rain as I started crying.  I went to work with my blood-shot eyes, and walked around dirty streets to supervise interviews in the freezing rain.  I wasn't quite myself today, and left the hotel without even a jacket or a scarf in the winter weather - it was about 12 degrees today.  My head was pounding, my body shivering, my heart aching.

After work, I went to the Hassan II Mosque at night - the second largest mosque in the world after the one in Mecca.  I have always been fascinated by mosques and was hoping I could somehow find peace there - even though I was not allowed in as a non-Muslim after special hours today.

I was not quite myself when a strange Moroccan man signaled me to follow him - which I did.  He then signaled me to follow him into this restricted area, where he opened a large door and the underground tunnel/ room was in complete darkness.  I cannot recall whether it was curiosity or self-abandonment that led me to follow that man into the completely dark underground passage.  Afterall, I no longer had anyone to worry about my safety in Morocco.  I used to be extra cautious during my business trips not for myself, but for Kevin who might worry sick about me.  I no longer had any reason to take good care of myself, so despite feeling a bit scared, I risked my safety.



After I entered that underground passage which led to a big space, the man went to turn on the lights. 

When I saw what a huge underground room I was in, I started to realize that I could be in great danger being with a complete stranger in the world's 2nd largest mosque's underground bathing area.  I actually was quite scared, and I knew if he wanted to harm me, he could easily do that without anyone being able to hear me scream.  But I was already there, so it was too late to turn back.  He asked me to take pictures, then led me to another room...

I followed him and then I saw the actual Hammam - Moroccan bath area.  Muslims have to scrub their bodies clean before entering the mosque to pray.  The area below was their bathing area, like a sauna house:

I had no idea where I was at the time, so I was overjoyed to see this.

Luckily, this turned out to be some tourist scam.  He asked me for money on the way out, so I gave him some and left.

I swear to God I'd never put myself in any dangerous situations like this one again.  No picture-taking opportunity is worth the danger.

Super Powers

A few years ago I remember a friend of mine, Brian Wong, told me a stupid joke about the stupidest super power - the ability to fly but ridiculously slowly.  I still laugh when I think about it.


I am now in Casablanca for work, and it is one of most boring cities in the most exciting countries in the world - if that makes sense to you.  I had dinner in an ultra cool restaurant alone, and had too much time to think (and be sad - I almost started crying during dinner when I had the world's most amazing Pastilla with duck confit and foie gras filling yet no one to share with), which led me to think about some random stuff like - my dream Super Powers.


There's two that top my list and I am very serious about wanting them.  Totally unrelated:
1. Power to make someone think positive and be brave
If you know me well enough, you'll know that I'm characterized by the desire to inspire and cheer up people who are lost, depressed, disillusioned.  I often hope I can do something to help people I care about see things in a positive way, and give them the courage to deal with issues.
I don't know much about past lives, but for some bizarre reason I have always felt that my mission in this current life was to bring hope and light to people's lives.  


2.  Natural shield against jelly fish in the sea
I'm embarrassed, but I am equally serious about this one.  I just wish I could live by the sea and swim freely without worrying about jelly fish stings.


I have also thought about the power of teletransporting myself and a loved one anywhere anytime, so that I could:
wake up in my own bed in Happy Valley,
have pastry and cappuccino in Il Pirate Cafe in Vernazza for breakfast,
swim in the South Pacific Ocean near Nadi, Fiji for an hour,
have awesome muesli pancake in Koh Lanta, Thailand by the beach,
swim some more in Koh Lanta, Thailand,
have sushi lunch (without the 2-hour queuing) in Sushi Dai near Tsukiji Fish Market, Tokyo,
after-lunch cappuccino in Venice,
shopping in Florence,
pina colada by White Beach in Boracay followed by Havainas shopping in Boracay,

pistachio gelato in Rome sitting outside Pantheon / Trevi Fountain,
half hour nap in Ipanema, Rio de Janeiro, and munch on Globo biscuits sold on the beach,
half hour stroll from Santa Margherita to Portfofino in Italy,
buying super fragrant soup from Khan Al Saboun in Dubai,
watch sunset on pontoon at South Bay, Hong Kong / in Vernazza by the pier / in Ku De Ta bar in Bali,
have an elaborate but cozy numerous-course Japanese dinner in hot spring hotel room in Hakone, Japan,
(take a break during the long dinner to watch Disney fireworks in Magic Kingdom, Disney, Florida)
dip in private hot spring (onsen) after dinner,
smoke a deadly Gudang Garam clove cigarette and drink beer in a beer joint in Rio,
followed by the world's BEST steak sandwich as midnight snack in Cervantes, Rio,
smoke chicha in Marrakech, Morocco, with a few shots of cachaca (um.. yeah, I don't know how to find cachaca in Morocco),
have a late night boat ride in Perhentian in Malaysia looking at the starry sky,
sleep in a beautiful riad in Marrakech.


And I am now sipping Moroccan mint tea in hotel room alone in Casablanca at midnight.

Paula Cahen D'Anvers - Argentina fashion brand

Didn't expect to shop in Argentina, but I fell in love with the price tag and romantic casual chic style of this Argentinian fashion brand.  It was all summer collection when I visited, but the prices for the quality and style were only about 50% of what I'd normally pay for similar stuff in Hong Kong, so I ended up getting some dresses, tops, etc each day I was in Buenos Aires.  The brand is not yet available in Hong Kong or most parts of the world, but it won't be long before it is considering how wearable the designs are.

Where did the love go?

What hurts the most about some breakups is not that the relationship didn't blossom, but that after giving everything to your loved one for years, treating that person as your closest family and trusted soulmate, spending the happiest times and experiencing the best adventures together, he/she cold-heartedly shuts you out like enemy.

Where did the love go?

Remember me?  The girl who cheered for you at your match?  Who bought you congee when you were sick?  Who cooked you Christmas dinner?  Who made you lunch packs?  Who woke up at 4am to make you horlick before your early shift?  Who drew you a comic book?  Who drew you silly pictures to make you giggle?  Who stroked your head when you were falling asleep?  Who reassured you she'd be right beside you when you were worried about losing your job?

Did I imagine all that?

My Life Ambition

On my flight to Morocco, I realized that I was going to fulfill my dream of visiting the magical country.  I asked myself:  what's next?

For the first time I stopped and thought about ambition and goals.  I had never really set any goals for myself, but for years I had dreamed of:
- Being good at my work and recognized for my contribution - done;
- Seeing the world and traveling to Morocco one day - done;
- Knowing how to swim - done;
- Falling in love - done.

Such were the only real dreams I had had for my life.  Now that I have already done all that I had wanted for myself, what should I do with my life from this point onwards?  What would make me fulfilled?  What would make me feel happy and complete?

Throughout my 20's and early 30's, I have thought of nothing but reaching my personal "goals", realizing my personal dreams.  I've never truly thought of having a family, despite how much I have always adored kids (the adorable ones) - I have always thought about how much of the world I still haven't seen, and how many adventures I haven't experienced hence it would be a long time before I would be ready for a family.  So I surprised myself this morning, when I came to the realization on a plane to Morocco that I actually HAVE seen more of the world than most people have, and HAVE been on plenty more adventures than most people have and I HAVE done enough in my career - and that I no longer yearned for more of that.   For the first time ever in my life, I could visualize myself being a wife and a mother - and feeling at peace with that role.  It didn't strike me as a scary thought anymore, nor did I feel like it was unambitious to have that ambition.  In fact, it's already been a while since I started looking with envy at happily married, gorgeous couples and their beautiful children.  I just never knew that I too would want to give unconditionally to my own family and put my own personal desires second.

After a week of traveling alone in a foreign country, and all the thought-provoking conversations with Lion the professor/driver, I came to realize a few things about myself.  I have always taken for granted the gift of traveling the world and getting to know different cultures.  It was when I talked to Lion, who had basically been to every single place in the world (including a few times to Bhutan) leading expeditions, when I realized I had pretty much seen enough as well - not that I didn't want to go to Greece and Palau and Bhutan, but I didn't need the experience to feel complete.  We both felt like it was life's special arrangement for us to meet and talk about our passion for traveling.  (He drove me to the airport and told me he was happy to have me as his passenger because the conversations made his past miserable few weeks better.  He said he sensed some sadness in me as well - and I told him my boyfriend had just left the weekend before.)  His experience with the plane crash also got me thinking about my future family, my future role as a mother.

It's strange how people do want different things in different stages of their lives.  A year ago, I was only starting to accept the idea of having my own baby.  Just a few months ago, I was still thinking about future trips to Greece and Maldives and Spain.....  It really wasn't until I had the conversations with Lion, when I gave my life aspirations a serious thought.  Isn't it interesting how we sometimes have that moment of enlightenment?  I have been thinking about Kevin a lot, and hoping he'd have his moments of enlightenment.  It's nice to suddenly feel like you've figured out a seemingly complicated matter and everything seems so much clearer.

I don't know when my new dream will come true.  It could be years, it could be never.  Regardless, it's still nice to be aware of where you are heading in life.  Even better, it's great to feel that you've accomplished "enough" for your life so far and hope to move on to greater, more selfless goals.

Argentina Pictures - Day 1/2

Argentina Pictures - La Boca

Came a bit too late...

Argentinians eat their dinners really late.  By really late, I mean really really late.

Two nights in a row, I only started eating my dinner at 10:30pm.  I didn't finish until 12:30am.  After dinner, the Argentinian coffee lasted till 2am.

I struggled to keep my eyes open during the dinner, and to stop my ultra dry contact lenses from falling off.

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I was still pondering the whole "choice of emotion" advice and thought to myself:  someone's place in your heart needs to be felt and realized by you yourself instead of being told by others.  Sometimes, when a realization comes too late, it loses the value of such a realization.  I wonder what happens to Little Prince's rose after he went back to his planet for her.....
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During our 1am coffee when I was barely awake, my Argentinian friend asked me about my view towards relationship.  (I thought to myself:  Wow that's very deep for 1am conversation.  Where shall I begin?)  I told him,"I feel very strongly about the importance of partnership in a relationship.  I feel that like a business partnership, both partners need to head in the same direction at the same pace.  They need to make sure they understand each other, respect each other's thoughts and openly share ideas.  It takes both partners to hold the partnership together."
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Emotions versus "Economics" or Practicalities of Life

Lion is an English-speaking 50-year old driver hired to drive me to the office.  He is Argentinian but has moved from country to country since a young age because his father was a diplomat and he himself grew up to work in Spanish-speaking tourism in Asia, Europe and other regions.  He moved back to Argentina 3 years ago because of his beloved 15-year old son from his previous marriage, who almost died from pneumonia.  He has several degrees, and was a professor at International Relations in one of the city's universities.  He has a business hosting HR coaching workshops and also provides private city tour services.

Today I went to a very shady neighborhood to take pictures, and decided it would be safest to have him accompany me.  Lion gave me a lot of background history of the neighborhood, as he walked around La Boca district with me.  When we were done with the tour, he drove me back to hotel.

On our way back, we talked about traveling/ living in different countries as part of his life.  He explained that he had been back in Buenos Aires for 3 years, and sometimes he did miss the excitement and adventures of working in other countries, the money and fulfillment he felt in his overseas assignments.  He knew he had had a very adventurous life, with the opportunity to see so much of the world, and felt the need to settle down for a while.  We felt that for some people, it is like a destiny to travel from place to place, like a natural instinct yearning for the comfort of discomfort in being in strange environments.  Perhaps in our past lives we were normads...

Lion gave me a word of advice when we talked about his decision to move back to BA.  I could feel he was quite sentimental when he said to me,"In life you sometimes have to make difficult choices, and some of these choices involve choosing between your emotions and 'economics' or practicalities of life.  When my ex-wife was 3 months pregnant, I was working in Singapore.  One day, I was flying from Bhutan to India and I had a terrible plane crash.  I was the only passenger and I survived the crash.  For about 10 minutes after the crash, my life flashed before my eyes, and I felt I had lived an eventful life, I had seen the world...with no regrets.  Yet, a small voice told me that my life was not yet complete - I still needed to be a father and look after my son.  After I survived that crash, I decided to move back to BA.  When my son was born, he looked at me with his big blue eyes, and instantly I knew he was the most important thing to me in the world.  After my divorce, my son stayed with my ex-wife, and I started my traveling again.  I finally moved back again when my son had pneumonia and almost died 3 years ago.  In life, you make your choices and you live with the consequences.  Some choices are not rational, but if something/someone is important to your heart, it's worth the inconveniences and sacrifices."

I was speechless for a moment.  He didn't know anything about my life except that I traveled a lot, so his advice took me by surprise.

I thought about The Little Prince and his proud rose back on his planet - the rose he had left behind to travel to other planets, only to learn from the fox that his rose, and the time he had spent with her, were something special and important to his heart.

The conversation led me to my contemplative state the whole afternoon at work in BA.

Buenos Aires, Argentina, where the beef comes from a cow that's not a cow

I am in Buenos Aires (BA) this week for work.  It's been a truly horrible week for me since last Friday - I lost my loved one as well as one good talent & one poor performer on my team. 

Regardless, I tried my best to see BA the way I normally would as a visitor not coping with loss.

I quite like the city - it is not as underdeveloped as I had thought and locals are really friendly to me.  Generally I feel safe (because I have not visited the dangerous La Boca neighborhood yet - going in 1 hour), and some neighbourhoods are truly special, with a lot of character in people's homes.  I managed to get around with my super broken portugues - which most locals don't really understand - and English.  I get plenty of stares on the street, being a single Asian (attractive?! ha) female.  Men here have wandering eyes.

While most taxi drivers don't bother trying to communicate with me apart confirming that I am staying at Emperador Hotel on Libertado Avenue - yesterday a jolly old man did.  He tried to tell me random things and ask me questions like:
- I was very tall for Chinese girl
- Plenty of parks in BA - very beautiful (linda!)
- He liked Chinese food, and there was a Chinese restaurant he always went to in the neighborhood
- There were ducks in the pond we passed by.  Ducks, not swans.  (Pato!  I thought of Patinho Feio - ugly duckling)
- There were fish in the sea in. ____  - he drew a fish on a piece of paper and I said "ah peixinho!"  ("ah fishie!")  which amused him so much
- He asked if I was married and if I had any kids.  I said "sobrera" (single).

I had steak (bife de chorizo, ojo de bife) for every meal.  I was accompanied by a friend's workmate for dinner last night and I tried to understand how Argentinians thought of their meat (beef).  I had had a similar conversation with my own colleague yesterday lunch.  Both were in love with beef in Argentina, and said they would never order beef anywhere in the world, not even in Brasil - because the Brasilian beef is too "sweet"!?!  One of them even said that the cows for beef in Brasil were not the same cows in Argentina.  That those were cows but not really cows.....  That I found very amusing and didn't quite understand.

Argentinians are very friendly people, passionate in an open-minded sense but not in a fake manner.  They eat their dinners VERY LATE - often times 9ish/ 10ish.... and they go to bed late.  They love partying and having fun, and surely are good at taking things easy.  The company I was working with this time had their office in a house in a residential neighbourhood.  I had lunch with Andrea - my local colleague - some 5 blocks away from the office, still in that residential area where there was a nice al fresco restaurant facing a park.  We had champagne with our steaks and we talked about life, her relationship, my relationship, her eagerness to realize her dreams before she became 50 and single...  It was lovely.

This Saturday I am flying to Morocco for work.  It's always been a major dream of mine to visit Morocco, so I am very thrilled to be there - at least for my own 3-day break next week in Marrakech.  While I would really love to share the experience with someone very special to me, I believe I could make it like my solo Sri Lanka trip and enjoy it as a soul searching/ calming experience.

Status Messages I Wish I Could - but Would Never - Post on Facebook

Tea Yee knows that the world doesn't stop revolving just because of her - so she must not stop living either.
Tea Yee knows she can live without anyone, but she wants to share life's happiness with someone.
Tea Yee was so disappointed when her team's young talent resigned - she wanted to slap him silly and tell him,"Are you out of your mind?  Why do you guys all take life's opportunities for granted, giving up so easily!  Be a fighter!"

Writing about relationship

It's hard to write about relationships.  When you write about the joys of dating they seem so trivial to everyone else as they are mainly comprised of silly conversations and moments which are only understood by you and your partner; when you write about the pains of dating they drag everyone down including yourself and you feel like a victim.


Someone asked me today what type of guy I wanted.  I said,"I want a man who sees a need to protect me, who realizes and enjoys the responsibilities of being a man in a relationship.  I want someone who genuinely wants to share a life together.  Who doesn't run away from problems and leave me behind - but has the courage to face them with me.  Someone who truly cares about my feelings and allows me to reciprocate."

Vienna (Jan 10, 2010)

Rachael Yamagata - Elephants

I haven't listened to music for about 2 years now.   It's hard for me to explain why - considering it used to mean a lot to me and was a big part of my everyday life.  I suppose sometimes you reach a stage where the music you used to listen to no longer relates to your state of mind, and it doesn't have the same meaning as before anymmore.

Anyways, I am packing for a series of work trips, and decided to bring my ipod this time.  I caught my friend Dion online (whom I always consider as having superb taste in music) and asked him to recommend some songs.  He recommended the most recent album of Muse, which I loved, and Rachael Yamagata.  I checked out her music and found that it touched me like no other songs had in the past 2 years.  So here's one of my favourites:

If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream 
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Searching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call 
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals 
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love 

Keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

Kidults

Kidults is related to the concept of Puer Aeternus. Below is an explanation from Wikipedia:

Puer Aeternus is Latin for eternal child, used in mythology to designate a child-god who is forever young; psychologically it refers to an older man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level, usually coupled with too great a dependence on the mother. The puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at boundaries and limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.

In simple English, kidults are those who resist the idea of being an adult, and its associated responsibilities.  Urban Dictionary actually has a good definition of kidults:

A so-called grown-up who doesn't want to grow up (or at least act like an adult) and would instead prefer so-called "children's" stuff for entertainment, like cartoons, toys, comic books, Disney movies, etc. He or she also enjoys colorful "kiddie" snacks like breakfast cereal and Spaghetti-O's and dresses like a teenager or perhaps younger. May or may not be great parents as well as being able to take on adult responsibilities. Not necessarily too immature at least in the public.

A few years ago, I first came across this term, kidults, at work when a client wanted to look for kidults and "otaku" (a Japanese term referring to those who are obsessed with video games, manga, anime and other toys) for a study.  Since then, I have often been bewildered by how widespread this phenomenon was nowadays.  Grown men no longer want to be men, they think of themselves as boys, and want to remain boys forever.  Think Peter Pan.....

At work, I often come across men in their 20's or even early 30's who have absolutely no idea where they see themselves in a few years' time.  Just recently I interviewed this "man" (boy?) who could not assure me that he wanted the challenge in the job opportunity we were discussing.  So I, being the interviewer, had to counsel the boy saying,"I want you to go home tonight and ask yourself what you want to be a few years from now.  Visualize what you will be wearing, what you will be doing at work, how much you will be making.  Do that, then think about what you need to start doing now to help you get there.  Ask yourself if this opportunity in my team can help you get there.  It's fine if you can't answer me now.  Think about it at home and tell me tomorrow."  He smiled at me innocently, nodded, and told me he would think about it.  The day after, he wrote me an email, thanking me for the insightful conversation which led him to think about his future (possibly for the first time in his life).  I had had similar conversations with 2 other male candidates months ago, asking them what type of lifestyle they wanted to have in their 30's if they were still going out with their current girlfriends.  I am the youngest in my family, and have absolutely no idea why I need to assume the role of an elder sister at work.

Today I interviewed a "man" who was the same age as me, but less senior in title.  When we asked him whether he had any other concerns, he said,"well actually there is one thing - will I need to wear a suit to work everyday?"  I told my senior boss on MSN afterwards, and I couldn't help but say,"where have all men gone?  What's wrong with this world?  Men don't want to be men anymore, they want to be boys!"  My boss "LOL-ed".

Even in my personal life, I have come across a number of male friends who were already in their 30's, but were absolutely resistant to adult responsibilities.  They typically:
1. didn't think about the future
2. wanted a relatively simple/ stress-free work life
3. had no intention of starting a family
4. felt no responsibility as a man to look after his girlfriend/ future wife or bring money home
5. were huge supporters of gender equality, believed that women should contribute equally financially, and would fight with women over matters of little significance
6. were selfish and hesitant to sacrifice
7. did not think long term, but immediate gratification

It puzzles me how women evolve to take on bigger responsibilities, juggling with so many roles, while some men resist growing up.  Where have all the men gone?  What happened to wanting to support a family?  Protecting and bringing happiness to your other half?  Being the emotional support?  Not letting your other half down?  Building a home for your OWN family?

It is quite scary how a lot of men these days have such weak sense of male responsibility.  I found a lot of online journal articles on kidults, most attributing the phenomenon to protected childhood environment, financially secure parents, lack of financial responsibility to support parents/ siblings, and lack of parental expectations/ pressure.  I wonder if those parents would have changed the way they raised their kids if they had known that being "hands off" parents would eventually limit their kids' survival skills as an adult.

I wonder what will be the turning point/ reality check for these kidults to realize they can't be Peter Pan forever and there's a huge sense of achievement acting like a man.  "Elder sister" figures like me who lecture them about life?  Being dumped by numerous girlfriends?  I have no idea.  I'm really eager to find out.

Connection

Was talking to an old friend of mine, Soonyen, on MSN about relationship and love, and he talked about "connection".  I asked,"what does it mean 'connection'?"  He explained that when you talk to someone only about superficial things, but nothing deeper than that, you've lost the connection, the love.

It was quite a surprise hearing that from him, as he never occurred to me as someone who was that in touch with his thoughts and feelings.  (No offence!)  Indeed, I believe that "connection" is what keeps a relationship going - not discussions about what to eat for dinner, who to pick up the laundry, what happened at work... which are inevitable everyday conversation topics but not really what keep two people in touch with each other's mind and soul.

Thinking about 500 Days of Summer, I find it a very real depiction of modern day relationships.  Two people enter a relationship because of some interesting/ inspiring conversations...feeling that "connection".  They think to themselves:  Wow, he's cool/ she's cool!  Then they start to disagree on things, but not agreeing to disagree.  Then, they stop talking about anything that matters to them.  When the poor boy in the movie tried to ask the girl about their relationship (or thelackof), she simply shut down.  No connection.  Breakup.

Does someone really cease to be cool all of a sudden?  Or do we take that "coolness" for granted?  If there was such a connection before, why did we shut it down?

Battle between Canon 500D and Lomo LCA+

I got a Canon 500D DSLR for Christmas and used it almost exclusively (i.e., not use my Lomo LCA+) during my trip to Tokyo/ Osaka/ Kyoto.

I have to say that the level of convenience, flexibility, predictability, precision makes the camera very "usable".  Though the weight of the lens is a bit of a problem, giving my right shoulder very bad ache.

Having said that, it will never be a replacement of LCA+ for me.  They are totally different cameras - LCA will never take the type of pictures the DSLR takes, and vice versa.  When I came back to work from holiday, logged on to my work computer and looked at my wallpaper of Pantheon, I thought to myself:  ah, such dramatic effect is priceless!

So what this means is - the DSLR will be my regular camera when I need to take pretty, but safe pictures.  LCA+ will accompany me when I want to go for some creativity and interesting effect.

You know you have traveled too much for business when...

1. You no longer try to get window seat to get an aerial view of the city.
2. It does not even cross your mind anymore the minute possibility of a cute passenger of the opposite sex sitting next to you.
3. It happened to you at least once when you were in your resident country yet your wallet contained more money in (different) foreign currencies than in local currency.
4. It happened at least once when you were at the check-in counter and you needed more than 10 seconds to remember which country you were flying to.
5. You were on business trip and after a long day of work you went "back" to the wrong hotel (usually hotel you had stayed at on the previous work trip).
6. During the taxi/ car ride from airport to hotel, you rarely even look out the window but instead check and reply emails on your phone.
7. Staff working at a particular airport restaurant actually recognize you or remember the food you usually ordered.
8. You get so sick of refilling bottles of skincare products that you would rather pay (a lot) more to buy your habitual brands in travel sizes (if only they were available).
9. In the past year you traveled overseas much more times than you went to TST/ Sai Kung/ Mongkok.
10. In the past year, you took the airport express much more times than you took the MTR/ bus/ tram.
11. You rarely talk to other travelers, but when people start small talk with you they are most likely to be business travelers too - they probably know you are one of them from your calmness, lack of excitement/ smile on your face.
12. You tend to pay attention to other business travelers' luggages - wondering if they are lightweight, with very smartly designed compartments to keep everything super organized.
13. You travel with only your bare necessities - often times without one or more of the following items: sunglasses, camera, map, bathing suit, extra sets of accessories to match with different clothes (and you tend to bring clothes which are of matching color tones to avoid the need for extra pair of shoes).