Half My Life Journey Is Complete

Today is my 35th birthday and it strikes me that basically half of my life is gone. If there's another 35 years in my life waiting for me to explore, I don't know if that's long or short. Sounds long, but, I HAVE already finished 35 years ALREADY at the blink of an eye.

幸福

每天早上，開門入小狗的睡房，看著他伸伸懶腰，像小貓般打哈欠，剛剛睡醒的模樣，我覺得很幸福。
每天回家，把他抱到懷中，他懶洋洋地把毛茸茸的小頭靠在我肩上，我覺得很幸福。
每個晚上，在他睡前與他玩耍一回，我覺得很幸福。

I Like Opinionated People

I don't understand why some people feel so intimidated by people with an opinionated personality.  I have a sneaking suspicion that some cannot distinguish between opinionated and judgmental.  You can have your opinion in a topic, based on your experience, values, knowledge of that matter, but not believe and judge that you have THE right and perfect understanding of the matter or that others are clearly wrong.  You can be unconvinced by others opinions while not necessarily believe you are right.  You can have your opinion but not judge.  That's in my humble opinion what is meant by opinionated. 


Yes I have a POV (point of view) on some topics, but I do sincerely respect others' POV (even when I truly do not agree).  It's only when people - especially friends - tell me what I should think, how I should feel, how I should live, I get defensive.  [Please don't tell me I should live like someone else.  Please don't tell me I should keep giving young, life-inexperienced guys a chance.  Please don't tell me I should give men who give me goosebumps (at the thought of ever getting remotely intimate with) a chance.]  I seek for friends' advice, such as Stef and Dawn's - thank you girls - when I need it, and I respect them for always giving it so much thought and offering me good suggestions, but never trying to force an idea on me. 

Yes I have my values and my thinking, and I will never give this up.  If I have to forgo my POV in order to be with a man who isn't interested in my viewpoint, I'd rather not have a man.  If all my friends have no opinions in anything and only listen to mine, I'd rather have no friends.

I miss having a really good conversation and sharing different POVs.  I genuinely enjoy such thought provoking discussions because that's when you learn about other ways to look at the same topic/ matter.  That's how you grow and become inspired.  I have this male friend who also appears to be judgmental sometimes - probably because he does have a cocky personality as well - but I do enjoy chatting with him and debating on topics because the debate rarely gets heated and we do sometimes end up saying "yeah, actually you ARE right.  I never thought about it that way." 


I do have friends with some really quirky POVs but I love them for having an opinion on things.  I don't have to always agree with them.  What's the big deal with agreeing to disagree? 

I would hope that as people get older, they become more open-minded to hear different opinions, so everyone can be freer and more direct in the way they express their thoughts.  But people around me - local Chinese usually - sometimes tend to analyze each and every word I say, and this is making me self-conscious about my choice of words.  Come on, lighten up!!  Don't read too much into everything I say, it's just a suggestion!  An opinion!  So that you can share yours!  You're turning me into a boring person!

For that, I have learned to really love making friends with Dutch people.  A bit of stereotyping, but I have come across a lot of Dutch people - mainly through work - who are very outspoken and opinionated.  And I love them for that!  Also, some of my many other "gweilo" friends, I feel so much more at ease chatting with them.  It's cool to sometimes use stronger words to bring out a point, but not worried they read far too much into it, but the idea itself.

Having said all this, if you still cannot accept me for this, I accept that we cannot be good friends.

我看戀愛、婚姻

我懷念戀愛，但不渴望戀愛。
太多希望，也太多失望。沒興趣的，就沒有期望吧。（那就根本想也不會想！）有興趣的，就自然希望那人品格高尚，是有誠意的。沒可能連這也不期望吧？有時候等表示等到不耐煩，算吧！

有些人常常勸我不要浪費時間，不斷向我sell一些「筍盤」，認為有錢、是好人，就夠了。真的足夠嗎？胡亂找個伴結婚就是幸福嗎？

我羨慕已婚的女人嗎？不見得。一般可見到的婚姻生活都像是極枯燥。連已婚的一些男性朋友也對我說婚姻是人生最大的scam。似乎只有女的享受這scam。。。我有些已婚朋友會各自有很多時間和自己的朋友hang out。那些marriage似乎快樂點。每分每秒都只有互相作伴，變成唯一朋友，多恐怖。婚姻不見得會是我生命的全部。

我不渴望戀愛，因為害怕重複地失望。始終disappointing 的男人比promising的多。不代表我不會拍拖、不會戀愛。只是說我不極度渴望，不知還有多少冤枉路要走才遇到真正合得來的。In the meantime, 應酬無聊男孩們又會被人罵我浪費時間、嚇走其他好的男人；不理會他們又會被罵整天呆在家（which is not true, I am very busy)。總是被人批評。

Jimi Hendrix - Rainy Day, Dream Away

I don't like rainy days.  My face looks very dull without sun rays.  Yet today, I am enjoying the heavy rain, suddenly remembering a romantic walk in the rain with a man I was very attracted to, completely soaked to the bone, from South Bay to Repulse Bay.  I think it was our first date as well. 

I knew he had a girlfriend in Malaysia.  He knew that I knew as well.  We both knew it was a rather inappropriate date.  That didn't stop us from exchanging secret stares of affection.

Looking Forward to Being in Love Again

Enjoy my space. Enjoy the quietness. Enjoy my freedom. Enjoy being spontaneous.

Yet, there's a part of me that misses holding hands with someone I like, feeling nervous about a date, blushing when someone looks at me with affection, falling asleep with someone's scent still left on my pillow.....

I feel very lucky to be still single - it means I will get to experience all this at least once more before settling down with someone and never get to be in love again. I look forward to being in love again.

A Girl Like Me

A young boy asked me, where can I find a girl like you? You are sweet and caring, you make an ideal girlfriend. I can't believe you are single.

I said, guys usually fall for my silly side but cannot accept me when I am strong, independent and opinionated. I cannot be silly 24/7, I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in when the situation calls for it. When I am pissed off people around me also get really scared without me saying anything. Also, I somehow make men feel like they aren't good enough for me. Perhaps they really aren't..... I don't know why but it happens a lot. Everyone assumes I must have a lot of dates so as a result no one dares pursue me until just recently.

I hope this boy gives up idealizing this girl and finds himself a sweet and simple girl he deserves. A girl like me is not for a boy like him. She needs a wise and experienced man to take good care of her.

May I ask you out on a date?

A few days ago, a European friend surprised me by properly asking me out on a date.  I was surprised partly because I had known him for over a year and there had never been anything remotely flirtatious in our limited interactions as teammates (rather than friends).  More importantly, I was surprised anyone still remembered the specialness of properly ask a lady out on a date.  These days, men suggest to "hang out", "catch up", "meet up" in replacement of a date - a much more sincere form of getting to know each other and showing interest. 

Just today, I received a Whatsapp message from another guy - oh yes I've been popular lately - saying "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"  Are we teenagers now?  "I think you're hot, can we go on a date?"!  To me, that's not too different from saying "Hey I dig you.  Can I DIG you?  *wink wink*".  A week ago, yet another guy asked me to "celebrate his flat move".

Homer Simpson Tummy

I do not necessarily need a very handsome man as a date, but I absolutely cannot deal with a man with Homer Simpson belly.  [Puke]

I may not have the perfect body myself, but I refuse to be touched by any guy with a belly like that!  Just last Saturday, someone from my sports team took off his shirt at the bar and his big belly was a shocking eyesore!  Not only did he look gross to me, while I was sitting and talking to someone, he walked over half-drunk and started twisting his body dancing in front of me, rubbing his penis against my knee!  Ewwww  is that super gross or what? 

Confident Men. Like! +1!

A young guy sent me a text message:  How about we go watch the Smurfs?
I was busy at work so I didn't respond.  So after a minute or so, he sent a follow-up text message: So you can get Smurf'd
I was still busy so I didn't respond.  Perhaps he thought I found his message silly so I didn't respond, after another minute, he followed up with another message: That last part sounds weird.  Ignore that last part.

When I finally saw the three messages, I almost slapped my forehead, thinking: Poor Boy! When even your messages show you have so little confidence, you're doomed to fail even if it's a young girl you're after.

I like confident men who have qualities and achievements to be confident about.  I like confident men who proactively pursue me and do not show that they are afraid of failing.  I like confident men who seem to have an opinion on everything (yet humble enough to listen to others' perspectives).  I like confident men who know I'll find their confidence charming.  :)

The Boys Get Younger and Younger

I don't know to feel proud of myself or not, but it seems like I am attracting younger and younger guys these days, in their early to late 20's!

Sweet boys, but NO -  I really am not attracted to boys, not sexually, not emotionally.  (Ewwwwwwwww!!)  It's cute hanging out with them, talking about light-hearted topics, be spontaneous, carefree..... as if I were 24 again.  But dating?  No way!  Really, NO WAY!

New Toy - iPad 2

After months of consideration, I finally got my iPad 2 and I really like it!

I thought it'd be basically just a bigger version of iPhone 4, and while it is in a way, there's also other pros as well. There's various apps which really make the whole browsing experience very cool. For me, blogging is also a key use of the device, and it is so much easier on the iPad (even better with the wireless keyboard I got).

So I gotta run now - busy checking out which magazines are cool to read and on sale :)